If you don’t know where your relationship is going you may end up somewhere else. And, no one has time for that, right? On that note, Cabryl Breotti and I asked several men to share one thing they wish women knew about men. Here are their unedited responses.
TOP 10 LOVE RULES FOR 2020
1. Initiate contact. “If there’s a man you want, step up and make it happen. Say something; we don’t read minds—we read DMs.” –Jason, 34, maintenance.
2. Stop being so loyal. “There are a lot of no-good men out here who have ABSOLUTE QUEENS at home, very good, loyal women who move heaven and earth to be with him. She knows he’s cheating, but she stays, ‘for the family,’ for the title, whatever. Stop that shit. If he’s not being loyal to you, stop being so loyal to him. Live your life.” —Aaron, 31, musician
3. Let me lead. You don’t have to be the boss at work and at home. “For one, many women don’t know how to let a man lead, that goes a long way.” –Orlando, 45, government employee
4. Pull your weight in the relationship; be willing to compromise. “It takes two to build a relationship. Not one chasing another.” —Nyatu, media personality
5. Ask for what you want. “If you have demands, say it. Don’t just take what he gives you, if it don’t make you happy. Don’t apologize for asking for something more from him in the first place.” –Christopher 28, videographer
6. Don’t judge a book by its cover. “You see a brother in a suit and you automatically think he’s a good man, or that he’s worth your time. But you ignore the brother in the Timbs. A suit don’t make you a good guy, narcissists love suits. Psychos love suits. What I’m saying is don’t overlook the thug; he could be the best man for you.” —Big Red, medical marijuana entrepreneur
7. Listen to me. “Ask the right questions from the jump. If you ask me why my last relationship ended, I’ll tell you and I’ll be honest about it. Listen to what happened; listen to what I did. If I ghosted her, know that ghosting is something I do, and if we don’t connect, I’ll do that to you, too.” –Don’t Put My Name On It, 22, fast food worker
8. You can’t change me. “If it’s something about me that you can’t handle, just move on, real talk. I’m not rearranging my core to appease you. Change is something I’ll do when I want.” Kenny, Pace bus driver
9. Twerking is good, cooking is even better. “We’re talking about a real relationship, right? A foundation for something meaningful…so I like to see you bounce that ass, but I’d also like to see you clap some pots and pans in the kitchen. I dated a hottie and we did everything in bed. But I married someone else because of everything else she does; she taught me to cook, and she’s an overall supporter, and my life is good.” Carl, 54, postal worker
10. Let’s keep the peace. “As Black men, we value peace above everything else in our relationships. We love y’all, but a lot of y’all don’t love peace, and that’s where y’all lose us.” –L. Williams, 40s, comedian/writer/director
And a bonus, you know that he’s in love with you when: “I sacrifice or inconvenience myself for you. If I’m down to my last $50 and you need groceries, that money is yours. If I planned to go out but you needed me to be with you, I’ll be there. Love is sacrifice; no cap.” Michael, 44, attorney.