Is it possible for a girl to grow into a woman without making a mistake in love?
And, let me tell you, I’m no exception.
When it comes to love and relationships, I’ve had more than my fair share of regrettable moments. If you were to ask me exactly how many errors I’ve made over the years, I’d probably just stand there, and shrug my shoulders or something, because I honestly can’t even begin to guess; there have been that many.
That’s one of the reasons I wrote this blog, I want women to have the benefit of learning from my mistakes, in hopes that they can avoid committing the same faux pas in their own lives.
But if you were to ask me “Sylvia, what’s the BIGGEST single mistake you’ve ever made in your love life?” I could tell you that, very, very easily.
You see, I’m religious; I don’t talk about it much, but, I am. And there’s this one part in the bible, 1 Corinthians 5:11 that says “you should not associate with anyone who claims to be Christian but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or slanderer, a drunkard or swindler. Do not even eat with such people.”
Don’t even eat with them, right? Somehow, though, I found myself falling in love with a guy like that. He was a “serial fornicator” (his words, not mine), routinely drunk and didn’t really like going to church that much but he claimed he was a Christian and I went with it. Why? Because he was handsome, charismatic, ambitious, well-educated, highly coveted by other women and I’d always wanted to be with somebody like that. So, I was all about him.
It’s a funny thing, though. Just one verse earlier (in 1Corinthians5:10), the good book clarifies that you don’t have to stay away from every greedy, sexually immoral swindler out there; JUST the ones who claim to be Christians. Now, I’m no biblical scholar, so I don’t know why the Bible says that, but I’d imagine that if you’re claiming to be Christian but swindling people, you’re probably not loyal to God. And if he is willing to be disloyal to God, do you really believe he’d think twice about being disloyal to me?
Now, I’m not (necessarily) saying I was cheated on, but I will say I was constantly looking over my shoulder every time a beautiful woman entered the room. I found myself patiently forgiving countless intoxicated tantrums and I had to regularly beg him to open up to me and tell me what he was thinking. And don’t get me wrong, we definitely had good times, but each incredible high was always followed by new devastating lows. It always felt like the higher the highs got, the lower the lows went.
I was growing tired of constantly bracing myself for the next let down, I silently wanted to leave him, but I couldn’t. We looked so perfect together and having somebody everyone else wants is like having a limited edition handbag (and since I couldn’t afford a bag, well, he would have to do).And then one day,I couldn’t deny it anymore; I had everything I wanted in this person, but nothing I needed.
I needed someone who wasn’t going to struggle to communicate. I need someone who loved Sylvia Snowden more than Jim Beam. I needed someone whose real life matched his rhetoric. And staying with him, once I realized he could never be any of that was by far the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I’ve made my peace with that relationship, but I may never be as trusting as I was before him.
So that’s my biggest mistake; don’t let it be yours.
Sylvia D. Snowden is a fabulous Chicago-based journalist, read more about her on www.TrulySylvia.com. Follow Sylvia on Twitter @TrulySylvia
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