By Shemeka Michelle
My daughter is a lesbian. I absolutely HATE it! I don’t want my daughter to be gay.
Most parents imagine a perfect life for their children.
Our thoughts are normally based on what society has conditioned us to deem acceptable. We normally want our children to do well in school, be on their best behavior and graduate with honors.
If we’re lucky, we believe our children will attend a prestigious university and then go on to marry and give us beautiful grandchildren. Those parents, who really have the gods smiling on them, end up with professional athletes or some type of celebrity that can lavishly repay them for all of their sacrifices.
However, what do you do when everything that you’ve imagined for your child just isn’t the person that they are? I normally consider myself a very open and understanding person. I’ve done a lot of things in my lifetime that I am not proud of so I don’t easily pass judgment on anyone.
Today I sit in my emotions completely brokenhearted with the news that what I desire for my daughter may never be reality. I can’t help but wonder if my broken relationships with men have caused my daughter to like women. Or perhaps as many have professed, was she born this way?
I’ve seen many parents when faced with this type of information just grin and bear it.
I know because of the person that I am, eventually I will accept and support whatever decision my daughter makes. However I have to be completely naked and say I absolutely HATE it! I don’t want my daughter to be gay. I don’t want her to like women, dress like a man or bring another woman to meet me. I just can’t understand it. Her younger sisters have so many questions that I can’t answer.
I still remember holding her the day I gave birth and admiring her head of thick black hair. I remember dressing her in dresses with laced socks and pony tails. I remember gazing at her in her cheer uniform, her majorette outfit and when she modeled in her first fashion show.
By all accounts my daughter is beautiful inside and out. I have cried and cried but I’m not quite sure what the tears are about. Am I devastated because this isn’t the life I imagined? Or am I upset because I’ve always been taught this was wrong and never thought it would hit my home? Are my tears because I’m worried about what people may say? Is my heartbreak because I’m completely puzzled and confused because this was something that I NEVER expected?
I know there’s a parent somewhere that didn’t get the chance to express their true feelings for fear of being considered a homophobe.
I have to speak my heart and say I don’t want this. I don’t like this and this is NOT the life I hoped for my baby girl that I dressed in pink not rainbows. Right now my chest is tight, my breathing is shallow and I can’t help but hope that this is a phase that will pass. I love and support other homosexuals but I didn’t think I’d have to accept one in my immediate family. I didn’t think it would be MY daughter. I know eventually I’ll pull myself together but today, I’m still trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered dreams.
About Shemeka Michelle: “I was that chick. Gave it all up, all of it. I put all my eggs in one basket. Didn’t have a plan B ‘cause I believed in plan A. Then one day, all of it came to an end. All I could do was take it. I’m a survivor with 3 kids I HAD to make it! So instead of dying from pain and hiding in shame, I’ve decided to get NAKED.” www.nakedgirlzblog.com
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