Statistically Black women and Asian men are the two most “single” groups of people in the United States.
Often I have been asked by Black men and White women alike, ‘why don’t more Black women just date outside their race?’ I personally am open to the option but not since middle school has a man been attracted to me outside my race that I was also attracted to or aware of.
Regardless of race there are certain attributes I want in a man that I’m in a relationship with; integrity and good character, nice teeth, confidence, self-respect, the ability to earn, provide, protect and a few other traits that my grandfather taught me a man should possess. For some Black women, a man must be Black; first, foremost and always.
At the end of a “The Nightly Show” segment, Larry Wilmore asked Jacque Reid a ‘Keeping It 100’ question that I have since adopted and asked of other Black women to see what motivates us when we think about our relationships.
I asked Black women who are married, single, divorced and dating this question:
You’re being sent to a habitable planet and you’re now ‘Eve’. You get to take one man, ‘Adam’, with you to start a new civilization. Your choices are:
A: Black man who is unattractive but you and he have a lot in common and can have conversations.
B: White man who is very attractive, but lacks intelligence and you don’t have anything in common.
C: Hispanic man who only speaks Spanish but he can build things.
The majority of the women I asked selected option C for some of the following reasons:
1. If he can build things that means we’ll have shelter and weapons, so he can provide for and protect me.
2. The language barrier wouldn’t be an issue because I could learn Spanish/I already know how to speak Spanish and if needed, I could teach him English. Body language is a form of communication also.
Women who didn’t select the Black man also said:
1. If the planet is habitable it’s safe to assume other species live there, so if the Black man is overweight and doesn’t have any skills other than talking, how would he protect me? If he’s unattractive how could we procreate?
2. I’d only take him if I could use him to distract the predators long enough for the Hispanic man to build a house and weapons.
3. I don’t need a companion or a friend to talk to in this scenario; I need a partner that can help me survive.
All of the explanations, including the humorous ones, made me think: Why don’t Black women feel that way right here when dating and selecting a man on Earth? Why don’t we think about our survival and who is best to help us “exist”? Why don’t we think about what skills or traits a man has other than being Black, or even attractive, when deciding who we’ll spend our time with?
There was one woman who said she’d pick the Black man and just do everything needed on her own. But why select a man at all in that instance? Why take on the responsibility of an additional person who doesn’t bring anything of value to your life just to say you have a Black man with you? (Does that sound familiar to anyone?)
Black women feel obligated to Black men for what I believe to be the wrong reasons. Those who are fearful of stepping out of their comfort zone to date men of other races when the opportunity was presented, but refused to, may not just be adhering to a ‘preference’ for Black men.
Instead they may be bending to the expectation that they must have a Black man no matter what he lacks as a person. It’s better to have realistic standards about men in general than to lower our standards for any man in particular. If you’d wouldn’t date a homeless or unemployed White man, why would you date a homeless or unemployed Black man? They are both homeless and unemployed men.
If I were to give any Black man the same scenario and three options for his Eve, I don’t believe any man would choose the Black woman whom he could have conversations with. When facing a decision that could determine how long he’d live as a human being, I believe most Black men would choose the woman who can offer something he’d need to have to ensure his basic survival regardless of his race or hers. Even if he wouldn’t openly admit it to his friends or relatives on Earth, he’d at least think about it long and hard before boarding that space shuttle to a habitable planet.
As for myself, Pedro and I would have a beautiful, bilingual family on Planet Eden.
Have your blog delivered to you! Type your email address in the box and click the “create subscription” button. My list is completely spam free, and you can opt out at any time.