Everywhere I turn there are debates and conversations about prenuptial agreements. Of course people who are uber-romantic (if you love someone you don’t need a prenup; everything in relationships should be 50/50), and those who believe a prenup essentially means you don’t believe your marriage is going last (you’re planning for the end before you even begin) never budge from their way of thinking.
I often wonder how many of those romantic people own businesses, have (actual) wealth, have been married then divorced before, have had stalkers or have encountered opportunistic people who come into their lives with the intent to do them harm?
Even if you start off with rainbows and puppies in your relationship, for a while you are still involved with only one end of a person’s personality spectrum; their representative.
In my experience when people turn against you, some of them turn into the devil himself. Their only goal at that point is to destroy you and everything you care about to make themselves feel better – even when they are responsible for the problems in the relationship.
A lot of people can’t take rejection, and move on as adults. Many people will desperately hold someone hostage in a toxic environment by any means necessary. It’s hard out here for those who believe trust and love should be foundations for relationships because so many people look at relationships as methods of control and tools for abuse.
It’s sad and it changes how much people believe they can trust others. I know this firsthand; I can’t even go on a first date without worrying if a man is trying to date me just to ruin my life if I break up with him or not.
I’m currently in a dispute with a man whom I was never in a committed relationship with, because he had a girlfriend and was trying to carry on a relationship with me and her at the same time. When I found out, I no longer wanted anything to do with him. His response was to try to destroy my life with lies and accusations. I repeat; I was never in a committed relationship with this man. Yet he has spent the last two years of his life trying to make my life miserable because I didn’t want to stick around and play his games, during what was actually, at that time, already a second chance that he had begged for. Yes, his second chance. And he blew it. He messed up with me twice, knowingly and intentionally, and now he won’t leave me alone. Just imagine what he’d try to do if I was actually his ex-girlfriend or worse, his ex-wife?
Situations like mine are extreme, but are more common than you think. Every day men kill, assault, abuse, stalk and victimize women for rejecting them. And there are women who behave in this way as well. But we’re beginning to see more instances of fatal attractions where the man is the victimizer, and worse, doing so while claiming to be the victim. When I hear people say they want a prenup before marriage, especially a woman, I don’t need them to explain why they feel they need one. I just tell them not to wait until the wedding day to bring it up to their partner. Their reasoning could be that they have probably been through some of the same experiences I have, or worse. And I don’t oppose the notion at all as long as it is fair to both parties, which is subjective to their situation and none of my business.
Sometimes having a prenuptial isn’t about the money. Sometimes it’s about protecting a person from losing other assets they have worked hard to acquire, including their livelihood and the person they have become. If you knew that your livelihood could easily be threatened by you saying “no” to someone, trust that you’d want all the protection you could get.
Angela T. Jones is a published author, film producer, radio show host and the creative and business mind behind Super Woman Productions and Publishing LLC. Follow Angela on Twitter @BestSuperWoman.
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