Recently I had the pleasure of meeting Steve Harvey and I was afforded a moment to ask him specifically about one of my biggest dilemmas when it comes to dating men: my career and the fact that a lot of men expect me to give up my career, goals and dreams because they think I should be willing to do so in order to date them.
After all, aren’t all women desperate to get married? I admitted to Mr. Harvey that I’m very busy and because I started my career late it is very important to me and I’m not willing to quit it to be someone’s girlfriend or wife. He told me that unfortunately, I may have missed out on a good man already, which I believe for many reasons.
However, he said that men being selfish and not wanting a woman who comes to the relationship with something going for herself was basically not something I could control or should accept.
He stated that two people who both have something (careers, are happy individuals, have dreams and goals for their lives), then come together and combine what they have, make a stronger couple.
That is the type of relationship I’d prefer to have. Mr. Harvey told me I could still meet a man who wouldn’t want me to sacrifice myself and my dreams for him and that man would then love me and my son. So there’s a little silver lining around my dating cloud.
Maybe the lack of available men for me to meet has a lot to do with my environment.
Being single in my city means dealing with mindsets that have been affected by job loss, political corruption, bankruptcy and urban blight. It takes years for a city to turn around and it can take even longer for its people to embrace the changes.
A lot of men with drive, ambition and goals have left my city for other parts of the country or world. Those who remained in Detroit that have good careers, don’t have negative mindsets and want more from life have chosen to remain single because they have more options than other men do.
Women throw themselves at the available, attractive and successful men left and right; and some of these men even have groupies and they’re not rappers or athletes.
What does that mean for a single woman such as myself? It means I don’t get asked out on dates by men with goals and careers who want to provide for a woman; they’re too busy being chased by women and I don’t know how to chase a man.
Instead I get harassed and stalked by men, whose only goal is to become house husbands and be taken care of by women.
Or I find myself the target of men who want to control and conquer women to make themselves feel better because they are lacking in their own lives.
Then there are the men who believe that all they need to do is give a woman good sex and that constitutes a good relationship. The idea that a penis is the key to a woman’s happiness abounds and I don’t value penis over friendship, honesty, security and fidelity.
Therefore, I don’t date anyone anymore. I’ve been celibate nearly a year and it’s a combination of my unyielding focus on myself and my career and the fact that I’m tired of the dating scene in my city and the demands men want to put on me. I could change my celibacy with a phone call but I don’t want to.
It has become easier for me to remain single and love it.
Angela T. Jones is a published author, film producer, radio show host and the creative and business mind behind Super Woman Productions and Publishing LLC. Follow Angela on Twitter @BestSuperWoman.
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Filed under: Black love, Black marriage, Black men, Girl Power, Girl Talk, Girl, He Tricked My Ass!, Girlfriends, Male Gold Diggers, Marriage, Men, Men We Love, Six Brown Chicks Correspondents, Steve Harvey