Relationships: 5 Things Ms. Independent Should Know

By Jasmine Browley

Earlier this week, The Singer’s Room ran a story touting the headline “Keyshia Cole Recording Next Album, Themed Around the “Fight for a Good Man.”’  

The upcoming project is to be a “woman’s guide to keeping a good man.” I guess. Besides the obvious eye roll  that the aforementioned statement garners due to not only the well publicized romantic hardships she has had with her husband Daniel Gibson but also because of the the fact that she has made a career of singing about perpetual heartache and “male-bashery.”

Ironically though, I can see why she would feel like she has a proverbial soapbox to stand on seeing that at the end of the day, she does still have a ring on her finger and a beautiful son  to call her own. So how did she make the transition from the independent-I should’ve cheated- daughter of Frankie to Mrs.-I’s married now-Gibson? I came up with a few ideas of what themes Keyshia will include on her album, her version of “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.”

1. Be confident no matter what.

Be sure to carry yourself the same way you would a Birkin bag–with extreme care and pride. No man wants to have the tedious and impossible task of building a woman’s self-esteem. With confidence, security is ushered into the relationship, therefore, you will have no problem with–dare I utter it–submissiveness. Now hear me out! This merely means that  you  will have no qualms about catering to your mate, because you know that he can and WILL do the same for you.

2. Humble Yourself (a little).

There is a fine line between confidence and condescension. Be sure to treat this man how you would want to be treated. Nix the unnecessary judgement and unhelpful nagging–yes nagging. Also, know that there is no weakness in apologies. If anything, when needed, an apology strengthens the foundation of the union, and fosters a healthier environment for the both of you.

But don’t go overboard on the Humble Train. Stand your ground when you must.

3. Be supportive.

In relationships, men need support even more than we do. Lend a shoulder, ear or hand when he needs it, because a little encouragement from his love goes a long way.

4. Be sensitive to his needs:  Listen. Don’t talk. Just listen.

5. Reciprocate the respect.

We all know that what Aunt Re-Re taught us was the God’s honest truth. A little respect makes a world of a difference in every aspect of life, especially in matters of the heart. Often, independent women become desensitized to certain chivalrous acts (sometimes without being cognizant of it) and we rebuff his show of appreciation–simply because we are used to being able to do for ourselves.

Take the time to think about what you desire in a loving relationship, demand respect and kindly return the favor.

Real love takes time and it takes two.


Writer, editor, lover of music and nappy hair, entertainment journalist Jasmine Browley has two blogs ( and, dozens of freelance contributions {including Uptown Magazine}, and is known to keep her ear to the ground, and her pen to paper. Follow Jasmine on Twitter: @JazBrow

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