By Liz Lampkin
Losing your first love can be devastating to your mental and emotional state, as well as your outlook on relationships.
The loss of an intimate relationship (be it physical or emotional) can damage your self-esteem. You may fear that you’ll never find someone like your first love, you may lose faith in love and you may be reluctant to open your heart to someone new.
This is heartbreak.
As I think back to my first heartbreak, I can’t help but shake my head at the emotional wreck I used to be. I thought I was in the perfect relationship with the perfect man and we were going to have the perfect life and live happily ever after. Boy was I wrong!
My perfect Prince Charming decided that he was not ready to live happily ever after with me and ended our wonderful relationship via e-mail. I can remember thinking, ‘Are you kidding me! After all I’ve done and been to you this is what you do and this is how you end things!!!’ I was so upset and confused during that time that all I could do was cry and question myself about why he ended our relationship.
As time passed I realized that I had to move on from this man and this relationship or I would lose myself in the bitterness of my heartbreak and in order to do that I had to take some very difficult steps to move on with my life and my sanity.
1. Accept that it’s over. The first step I took was accepting the fact that my perfect relationship was over. How did I do this? By letting everything go spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically about the relationship.
2. Clear the clutter. I had to throw away everything he bought me (I even mailed a few things to his job, nothing dirty of course), I had to let go of the physical and emotional intimacy we shared by embracing the fact that he was gone.
3. Allow controlled bitterness. I was angry about the relationship’s end because of what it meant to me and all of the energy I put into it. I was upset with my former mate and the way he ended things, and controlled bitterness allowed me to be upset with myself because of the choices I freely made during the course of that relationship.
Many times when we experience heartbreak we don’t allow ourselves to be angry because we believe that if we show this emotion that the other person has gotten the better of us; however, going through this stage allows the healing process to begin.
4. Accept vulnerability
The next step I took was accepting my vulnerability. Accepting my vulnerability allowed me to realize that it was not my fault the relationship ended, but it was just not the time for me to be in a relationship.
5. Create something positive.
I transferred that negative energy into creating something positive and allowing myself time to heal. I took a break from relationships to spend more time to focus on my career and build a deeper relationship with God.
Taking this step allowed me to realize that I was more than that relationship and it helped me gain a new perspective on heartbreak.
Surviving my first heartbreak with my sanity was not an easy thing to do, but I’m glad I had that experience because it helped get me through other heartbreaks with style and grace…and the irony of it all is that today he and I are great friends.
Liz Lampkin is a woman of God, Educator, Speaker, Mother, Sister, Daughter, Friend, and Encourager living in purpose on purpose. Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin
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