The 'Unemotional Chick’s' Reaction to Having Our Lives Fixed

The 'Unemotional Chick’s' Reaction to Having Our Lives Fixed

 By Gina B.

Iyanla Vanzant most accurately described my personality when she looked at me – with a dab of disdain – and said “You’re a head person, not a heart person.”  I nodded my head in agreement, because like any analytical being, I’m nothing if not self-aware.

Her statement was both a declaration and accusation, and I really didn’t know what to do about it.  I’ve always been this way.

I tend to think my way through problems, and I’d much rather rationalize than emote.  I’m a direct, clear communicator with an offbeat personality.  When it comes to people, I’m tentative and particular.  I’m initially more of a hand-shaker than a hugger, and I enjoy making a slow acquaintance.  It will take some time for me to like or love you.  It’s not personal; I just need to figure you out first.

So, yes . . . Iyanla was absolutely right. I’m a head person.  Heart people don’t often understand me, but I can’t really help that – not that I’d want to.

My analytical nature has served me very well in writing.  And when I joined Six Brown Chicks, I wanted to write.  Unlike many of my co-Chicks, I wasn’t looking for sisterhood or even friendship. I was trying to reenergize my identity as a writer, having burned myself out one year prior to receiving that fateful email from Zondra, asking if I’d like to collaborate.

Getting the show on WCIU took our partnership to a different place.  Over the years I had grown accustomed to the solo mission of writing, and I suddenly found myself having to have chemistry with a group of other people, and think for the goodness of a group.

It was too much, too soon.  There were too many strong, dissimilar personalities.  We were bound by experience before having the chance to bond organically.  Implosion was imminent.

Since the debut of our episode of “Iyanla Fix My Life,” I’ve received many comments and questions from friends, family members, and complete strangers.  After I assure everyone that our episode was real and unscripted, they want to know why I was uncomfortable in the group hug, and they often demand to understand how I managed to avoid crying.

For the sake of expedience, I normally tell an abbreviated version of the truth – I’m simply not a crier.

The complete truth is way more in-depth.  I confess that in those fascinating moments, I was finally focusing on getting to know and appreciate this group of women.  I was more of an analytical observer than an emotional participant.  Through our experience, I’m convinced that we finally got to that necessary place of respect and admiration for one another.

True to my personality, it took some time, but I both like and love each of the Brown Chicks.  I appreciate them for the emotional heart people that they are, and in my case, they should trust that where the head goes, the heart will follow . . . eventually.



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  • For most of my life, I’ve been questioned and ridiculed because of my personality. I am also a head person, not a heart person. It doesn’t mean that I’m uncaring, antisocial, or conceited; it just means I think and react to life in my own way. It wasn’t until I reached my 40s before I accepted and embraced this as my strength and not a personality flaw.
    With this personality type come challenges. I have found myself in the company of coworkers, family, acquaintances, and even strangers who feel it is their birthright to “tell me about myself” or question me about why I am this way or ask what is wrong with me. On many occasions, I have been deep in thought about something, only to have my peace interrupted.
    I learn more about myself each day not because I’m taking on the opinions of others, but by my ability to self-reflect. This also helps me gain understanding and compassion for others. I truly appreciate what the “heart people” closest to me in my life bring to the table, and I feel they have learned to adapt and appreciate me as well.
    Thanks for your post Gina B.

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    klalawis, what you have expressed is something a "heart" person is capable of though others may not readily pick-up on your ability to be touchie-feeley, in the familiar sense and you may not either, continue to honor that part as you have. With great hope, just as you and Gina B. have spoken out and expressed the inner you, other 'head' woman and man who can identify may speak out and honor themselves too. Stay strong and continue to be you with love.

  • I must say that out of the Six Brown Chicks you seem to be the one that I could totally relate to from the beginning. I am also very much a head person (and snarky too!). Most people don't get me or they think I'm extemely weird. I never know what to do when people question my personality, so I typically acknowledge that there may be some truth to their statement, or make some smart/sarcastic comment and keep it moving. I don't think that I'm an uncaring or unkind person, I just like to know who I'm dealing with before I invest all of my energy. If I figure you out first I know how to work within the confines of our relationship. I can't really help it. It's just who I am. *Kanye shrug*

    When I watched your episode of Iyanla, Fix My Life, I spent the entire episode trying to analyze and google all of you. It wasn't until I watched the rerun that I realized that hadn't shed a tear. I was very much interested in what you were thinking because at times your facial expressions or lack thereof intrigued me. And I must admit that I was also slightly amused and extremely fascinated by the fact that Iyanla didn't "break" you.

    Anyway, I'm usually not this long-winded. I just wanted say that I appreciate you sharing your experience. (I don't have to try and figure you out anymore lol.) Glad the Six Brown Chicks are back together and Happy Writing!!!

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