Spoiler Alert: Do not read if you haven’t seen True Blood Season 6, Ep. 8 – “Dead Meat”.
“Death is just a f—ing pit stop on a road that keeps on going with no end in sight. So f— you, mom and dad. Screw your kisses, and your hugs, and your ‘Atta, girl’s. I’m gonna become the very thing that you hated so much you were willing to kill me over it. ‘Cause I’ll be damned if I’m gonna spend eternity lying by your f—in’ sides. I’d rather walk the earth as a corpse than spend another minute thinkin’ about you.” – Sookie Stackhouse
What a violent little episode, no? From Alcide kicking the crap out of a girl to the catfight to end all catfights, this was a tough episode for those us extra sensitive to violence (hand firmly raised on that one). But the episode started with a different kind of violence: the end of a bromance.
With Nora’s blood still warm on Eric’s chest (Question: if vampires are always cold, why would their blood be warm?) Bill thought it a good time to remind him about his deal to save vampirekind. Eric saw it differently. He reasoned that because Bill had not in fact saved his sister he didn’t owe him anything. So Bill levitated him, and besides giving me weird Peter Pan flashbacks, all it accomplished was pissing Eric off more. So Bill banished him from his house full of rage and ready to launch a vendetta. Good call, Bill.
But Bill wasn’t done with his “being a dick is the best way to get what you want” campaign. Sookie came stomping over to go over some ground rules for releasing Warlow to him. Basically what the fairies came up with was 1. Don’t kill Warlow and 2. Once Warlow has helped save the vampires Sookie must agree to become his fairy vampire bride. Bill easily accepted rule number one and dismissed number two as totally not his problem. Sookie got offended and called him a motherf*ckin’ monster” because as much as she claims to be done with him, she clearly isn’t and probably won’t ever be.
Although she’s gonna have plenty of time to work on it. After much soul searching (read: a sad attempt to seduce Sam, a pretty awesome graveside rant and getting dressed up in some vampire slut gear) Sookie decided to agree to Warlow’s terms and become his for all of eternity. Hey, who hasn’t taken a rebound a little too far? Though this might be an extreme case. But, someone got to Warlow before she could; Eric (presumably). After drinking from Adilyn Eric was able to cross the fairy barrier to get to Warlow and… bit him? Not sure, but there was blood and he was unconscious. I’m not sure how endangering the lives of his progeny and great progeny is the greatest revenge against Bill, but here we are.
Speaking of Vamp Camp, things are not going well. Violet, the creepy level 1 that laid claim to Jason, was not wavering on that position. (Question: when Tara leapt to Jason’s rescue why didn’t she just declare him hers before this psycho got the chance?) Jessica, Tara, Willa, and Pam (now out of solitary thanks to some “oozy but productive” sex with Dr. Finn) tried to talk her into sharing, but it didn’t work out. See, Violet is Catholic. Like medieval Catholic and when she says someone is hers then they are hers and only hers… forever. But she won’t rape him! Please, she’s not that kind of girl. That must be so very comforting to Jason.
But the real trouble is that the 24-hour guards tasked with making sure the vampires comply with the sadistic, fatal rules that sets Vamp Camp apart from the rest of the Louisiana’s summer camps somehow noticed that a large contingent of the vampires weren’t drinking the contaminated blood. Because Steve Newlin was one of those vampires (James took pity on him after some sad bullying stories) Sarah took a chance on the weakest link and he folded in a matter of minutes. (Side Note: why was he so winded on that hamster wheel? I thought vampires didn’t get tired because they’re dead and all). So now all the vampires refusing the blood (Pam, Tara, Willa, Jessica, Violet, James and Steve) are locked in the room of Bill’s visions. This is where they’ll meet the sun.
Apparently a little hamster wheel torture is just foreplay for Sarah, though. Ms. Suzuki showed up at the TruBlood plant ready to lay into the governor for staying not so silent about his part in the re-launch and the foolproof plan of “we’ll just pretend Burrell is still alive” fell apart as easily as Steve Newlin on a hamster wheel. So Sarah moved on to plan B: full on Dynasty on acid level cat fighting. At first watching the two ladies try to outrun each other in heels was amusing, but it quickly turned into uncomfortable when Suzuki’s heel caught in a grate breaking her ankle and leaving her vulnerable to Sarah’s head smashing and the eager vampires waiting for her blood below. At least there’s no confusion about who the villain this season is.
Oh and, if you care, Nicole is pregnant with Sam’s baby because if there’s one thing this show needs its more shifters to take up storylines.
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