Beware! Turkeys are the new zombies. They are not taking being slaughtered, flash frozen, and stuffed into your local supermarket’s freezer sitting or laying down anymore.
They are ganging up and fighting back. Think Patrick Swayze in Next of Kin, 1989. Swazyze’s movie brother is killed by the Italian mob and the folks back in Kentucky face off against them here in the streets of Chicago.
According to Illinois wildlife officials, wild turkeys are in every city in the state. Even big ones, like Chicago. You know that’s got to be true, after finding a live cougar (of the animal type) roaming the Chicago city streets.
Bring a bird down, bring it home, and the bird’s kin are coming for you.
You could be attacked outside Jewel, on the road home by a gang like you see in the video, in your own driveway, even. Turkeys have a reputation of being a dumb bird, but when you get a mob of them together, their tiny IQ’s connect, especially if they know you are cradling one of their dead relatives and about to make it your dinner.
Suddenly, some turkey gang symbols are flashed, and it’s beak for nose in your driveway and up your steps. You lose, and then your kids have to clean up what’s left of you.
They are bad. They are ugly. They will get you.
You’ve been warned.