Bean Ball

Bean Ball
Joe Crede, apparently getting plunked by the catcher. //From Wikimedia Commons

Events unfolding during Friday’s Sox game got me thinkin…


Ray Chapman got beaned and died

Conigliaro nearly lost an eye

It was the end of Kirby Puckett’s career

When he took a fastball under the ear


Chapman, Kirby, Tony C?

How ’bout recent history?


Payton, Rowand, Reynolds to name a few

Konerko, Rollins were beaned too

Dickerson, Sosa, and Teixeira

Byrd and Wright did also bear it

Mike Piazza provoked discussion

A pitched ball caused him a concussion


Countless others have been undone

By injured wrists and hands and thumbs

By pro pitchers turned assassins

Trained to throw in pinpoint fashion


“What to do? It’s part of the game”

But over time, baseball has changed


Victory meant twenty-one aces

Runners did not touch all bases

Batters called for pitch location

A twelve inch plate was regulation


The spitball pitch was totally legal

On higher mounds pitchers stood regal

Batting helmets became the rule

The DH a new offensive tool


A corked bat now means three days rest

Instant replay and steroid tests

All these rules but not enough for

Hitting a batter to settle the score


Eye for an eye, and all of that

Bean our guy we’ll lay you flat

If not now we’ll get you later

Right in the eye like Christian Slater (in True Romance)


I’m tired of writing and making rhymes

Composing in verse I ain’t exactly sublime

So before you get all bent out of joint

I suppose I’ll just come to the point


There are a lot of reasons I love the game

Not many for which I would abstain

The rhythms, prowess, and aplomb

But don’t you see bean ball is dumb?


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