My anxiety has anxiety

My anxiety has anxiety

Among a seemingly endless wave of soul-shaking news, I experienced a major blow on a personal level. A very good friend, no, my best friend on this planet passed away. But not only passed away, he took his own life. A bit of news that will haunt me for the foreseeable future. Mostly because we had fallen out of touch in the last few years. I thought about him often but also feared what I might have done to push him away.  I’m sure it wasn’t anything but in my self-loathing brain, everything is MY FAULT.

This brings us to the point that mental illness is real, it is unrelenting, and it obviously kills.  With the passing of Carrie Fisher, a true champion for those with mental health issues, this subject is even more important.  I’ve made it no secret that I constantly battle anxiety and depression.  An anxiety that has pushed friends away.  An anxiety that drives me to hide from the world.  An anxiety that surprises many I know when they find out because I’ve learned how to fake my way through it.   Medication has helped but I’ve found that uncomfortable tightening feeling return on an increasing basis.  This is especially true since I got the news about my friend.

The real ball kicker for me these days has been the impending doom I anticipate from our incoming President.  Just the knowledge that a con artist will be sitting in our highest office makes me ill.  My wife, who’s battled her whole life as well, thinks my attention should be home and in the family.  She says she doesn’t have time to worry about who’s president when we struggle to run businesses, raise kids, and enjoy life whenever possible.  I think she’s right.  But I can’t shake it.  I obsess and look up tweets, posts and argue with people I’ve never met online.  Friends of friends that dare enter my posts to tell me to “get over it.”  Get over it?  That’s a joke right?  This is something I won’t EVER get over.  This election was a life changer.  And not one for the betterment of the world.

But, there I go again.  Worrying about things that are out of my power.  Worrying. It’s what I do.  So friends, don’t let your fears get the best of you.  Talk them out.  Please.  Do it for you.  Do it for those that you love.

If you are feeling so low that Suicide is in the equation please call 800-273-8255.  You are worth it!

 

 

 

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