Dear violent offenders of the English language,
Once upon a time people were well spoken. Thee, thou and other lovely words were used in ways that we cannot relate to today. In 2019 they would be said something like this:
Like, thou is totally awesome, like literally you know, I wish thee would be perfectly honest with me. Please, thouest be 100 percent honest with me because like you know at the end of the day, literally I would totally like be down 100 P.
When did we fall so far from the way our language was originally spoken? The worst phrases are as follows and why they are so you know, annoying:
You know – I’d like you to just start listening to people closely when they talk – listen to yourself as well. You know has become one of the ultimate space fillers of the spoken word. You would never use this in a typed sentence or when you write a letter or email. So why do you fill up your dialog with this? We know! Yes, we “know what you mean”. You don’t need to keep asking if we know. Do you know what I mean? After awhile I don’t hear you even talking – all I hear is you know and in my head I am counting how many times you’ve said it. I do it as well and I am making a conscious effort to stop. You do the same.
Like: Just watch an episode of the Bachelor and listen to the girls speak. Like can come up in as many as every other word. What once was a valley girl word back in the 80’s has now become the standard, most patent word to explain something. Like, he was…Like, I couldn’t believe….Like, the other day I like…. and on and on. STOP IT. Just STOP STOP STOP. Like for real, STOP IT. It’s immature, distracting and you sound like well, a valley girl. Or guy, you all sound the same.
To be perfectly honest – What, were you planning on lying?? Pre-empting sentences with this phrase doesn’t make me trust you. Since when is a declaration of honesty important? Just say what you have to say. If I don’t believe you, you will know as I will question you. I trust you if you haven’t given me any reason not to. So, enough with the honesty and particularly the perfect part. If you’re going to be honest, I would hope it was not just partially.
Literally – Literally can be defined as something that actually happened. This is confused with figuratively. So if you say something like “that guitar solo literally blew my mind” your head would have blown off and you would probably be dead. Somewhere we have developed a need to be extra expressive and dramatic and literally just emphasizes what we’re talking about. So literally stop this too. I mean that as actually wanting it to happen, not just a metaphor.
At the end of the day – When you refer to something and begin your sentence with at the end of the day, do you mean that at the end of the day this is what will happen? Or that something happened at the end of the day? Whatever happened to in conclusion? Or, after all is said and done? Not everything should be related to the end of the day. How about starting a new trend and using at the start of the day? At the start of the day I pray I will not hear any of these phrases for a whole 24 hours.
100 percent or 100 p – This has replaced absolutely. We don’t say that anymore. We respond to anything we are certain of with 100 percent or 100 p or even hundo p. This is really sinking into the gutters of killing our language.
Think about all of this – did your parents talk like this? Do they now? In particular do your grandparents talk this way? Pay close attention to yourself and others around you and let’s stop the madness. Call people out. I buzz my husband every time he says you know. Let’s get English back to its proper form.