Future Bachelor contestants, think about this first, will ya?

Future Bachelor contestants, think about this first, will ya?

*THIS BLOG CONTAINS SPOILERS!* Is it that big of a deal??

As the current season of The Bachelor is rapidly coming to an end, future hopeful contestants are most certainly filling out their applications. Ladies please, think long and hard before you apply. And please, when the question “Have you ever had a temporary restraining order against you” comes up, be honest. It was probably a permanent one and ABC really needs to know. Because that would clarify that you are insane, as anyone who auditions for this show must be.

The Bachelor is now wrapping up it’s 800th season of ultimate failure (feels like 800, just sayin’). The web site RealitySteve.com has been pretty spot on about who goes home each week so if all goes as predicted, Ben will be proposing to the “queen – o – bitches” Courtney. Sorry to spoil. But didn’t you expect that? It’s Jake and Vienna on repeat.

Every week at the end of the show they announce that they are taking applications for the next season, so it’s about that time. My question to all young ladies considering this is just one word. WHY????

I imagine you all have seen the show before. One of the questions on the application is “Why would you want to find your spouse on our TV show?” How the heck do you answer that? Why would you??

I look at it this way. You must be hoping to become famous. I am pretty sure you think that somewhere throughout the season you will be noticed by a producer. Or a talent scout. Or a psychiatrist.

Or, you must really enjoy cattiness. Don’t you remember in high school and grammar school how catty and bitchy females can be? Apparently not since you willingly want to subject yourself to a houseful of 25 women which equals 50 claws.

Things that you really need to consider before you take this crazy plunge are:

1) How well do you handle rejection? I am guessing you have been dumped before or you wouldn’t resort to this to find a boyfriend. So, be honest. Were razor blades involved?

2) How is your self esteem? Is it pretty good? Are you pretty confident in yourself? If you are, why do you want to destroy it on national television??

3) Do you drink? Those cocktail parties have seen some pretty tipsy behavior. If you drink when you’re nervous, you’re probably going to make a complete ass of yourself.

4) How easily do you fall in love? Do you take your time and get to know a person under normal circumstances? If so, step away from the application. There is no such thing as normal on this show. No such thing as taking your time. The show films in roughly 6 weeks. When you may get 1 one on one date and a few moments at the dreaded cocktail party, that’s not taking your time sweetheart.

5) Have you ever dated someone that had another girlfriend at the same time? Kinda sucked, right? Well darling, you will be dating someone with at least 14-24 other girlfriends. If he is like Bachelor Ben, he will tell everyone the same thing, make out with every single one every chance he gets and talk about how he could “fall in love with this girl” with every contestant. And even after he goes skinny dipping with one, next day he’ll be declaring his feelings for all the others.

6) Do you think it’s possible for 25 women to fall in love with 1 man? All at the same time? You know that is going to happen so why put yourself in that type of competition? Will you be able to prove your love better? Or will you, as all the other women do for attention, use sexuality to spark his interest? Are you a slut? No you say? Then why act like one?

7) Have you ever had a vacation romance then come home and forgot about the guy? That is what this is. It’s a vacation. You’re not dating. You’re not spending any type of remotely normal time together. Not unless lunch served to you whilst you sit atop a mountain on some remote tropical island is how you spend your daily life. Me thinks not.

8) Are you ready to possibly make it all the way through to the finale? Really? Remember, while the guy is filming his two final dates, one will be with you then he has to go on the other one. And you’ve seen the show. You know the drill. He’ll tell you everything you want to hear. You will feel so confident that it’s you you’ll do the deed. You’ll go to that final rose ceremony all dolled up and ready for that Neil Lane diamond ring. Then you’ll possibly be carted off in a rowboat after you’ve been dumped wondering what went wrong.

9) Are your parents on board? Does your Dad have a taxidermy studio in his basement??

10) If you are picked and you do get engaged, are you ready to watch the show when it airs, ready to watch your fiancee tell every woman the same thing? Or tell you on :After the final rose” that he should have picked the “other finalist”?

Girls, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Most of you that are on the show are pretty, have decent jobs or careers and can probably get dates. All you need to do is remember the track record of the show. Remember, only one Bachelor has ever gotten married. And that was to the “other girl”.

I rest my case.

 

 

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