My Father Has Been Gone Two Years

My Father Has Been Gone Two Years

It’s been two years since my dad’s been gone

I can’t believe my dad has been gone two years, in some ways it seems like yesterday, in other ways, it feels like two years, maybe longer.

I still dream about him every other week, it’s usually set back in the day on 123rd Street at my childhood home in West Pullman.

The latest dream was last week, very vivid, I was grown and we were in the old garage working on Oldsmobile Custom Cruiser we had bought.

That’s something that I think about a lot and have written about here many times, that we never “built” one more car.

I’m at peace with it (we talked about it many times but his declining health and the 300 miles between us kept that from happening), but it’s something I want to do with my son.

Speaking of my son, I see so much of my dad in him, his smile, his facial expressions, his laugh. It’s reassuring to know some of my dad never left.

I’m finally learning to go through changes in my life without my father, he was always the first person I consulted about work and going through tough times or if something broke in the house.

All of those things have happened multiple times and I’ve almost called him multiple times.

But the toughest was losing my cousin Mike earlier this month. That was dad’s side of the family and to have to bury someone younger than me and see people I hadn’t seen since dad’s funeral or before.

I so badly wanted to tell him who I saw and how things went. He was always curious to know how people were doing and how “my generation” had grown up.

That’s when it hurts and that was the first family funeral since his.

I told people, we need to have a positive get together and stop always meeting at funerals. There’s not many of us left and though Facebook is our glue right now (our family has a closed group on Facebook), it was nice to meet with people even under these circumstances.

We all talked about back in the day at my grandmother’s house (Mama Nan), that’s where everyone met. There was always food and drink, grown folks would talk, us kids would play, as we got older several of us cousins would take care of the yard over there.

My dad would fix everything else.

It was good times but a long time ago.

I’ve had a lot of experiences in the last two years to give me insight on what my dad went through.

I had to drive to Detroit for my cousin’s Mike’s funeral. 21 years ago my father drove us for his cousin’s (Tommy Sr.), funeral in Kentucky, I remember him being in a fog over that. I had that same emotion two weeks ago.

I’ve also really had to work on my marriage recently and have a ways to go and my dad was married twice. I know he worked hard on his relationships too but he was not a perfect man and neither am I.

And now I’ve reached my 40th birthday, I’m told (I was three years old in 1979 when my dad turned 40 and that’s him pictured), my dad struggled with that and this year for me has been of tremendous ups and down.

But the old man is very much in me and obviously I miss him dearly and still trying to live up to his legacy.

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