Raw egg yolks are NOT gravy!

Raw egg yolks are NOT gravy!
Is THIS how you like your orange juice?


Gravy comes in a jar.  Or a packet.  Or if you’re old school, you can stir it up in a pan.  GRAVY DOES NOT COME IN A SHELL!!! Egads, are we barbarians?  I thought this was a civilized society.

egg-yolk-warning-label-picI tend to write about serious issues, but just like everyone else, I have my boundaries.  And doggone, sometimes those boundaries get crossed.  How dare you go out with me to breakfast–as my so-called “friend”–then proceed to dip your toast into an unprocessed food substance that comes with it’s own warning labels?  And I’m supposed to sit across the table from you and eat my FULLY COOKED French toast and strawberries? While I conceal my abject horror?  You, sir, expect way too much of me.

Then you brag about your glass of so-called “fresh-squeezed orange juice” which is FULL of pulp to wash it all down.  WTdoubleF?   To me, this is the equivalent of drinking a glass of Sea Monkeys.   I love oranges.  I love orange juice.  Either I will eat an orange or I will drink the juice.  I won’t consume some weird, wonky combination of the the two.  Because I’m good at making decisions.

I love my eggs scrambled.  Not only that, they should no longer shine.  I like my hardwood floors glossy.  Not my breakfast.  To me sunny side up eggs look like you weren’t even trying.  In the interest of full disclosure, my dad was a big fan of this style of preparation.  He was the first to expose me to this abomination.  And I have carried scars since then.

Put that sh*t back in the skillet and quit playing around--it's not done yet!

Put that sh*t back in the skillet and quit playing around–it’s not done yet!

This is what I propose: my friends who eat the euphemistically named “sunny side up” eggs should also wear some type of warning label.  This way I will be better informed and better prepared when an occasion arises where we share a meal.  As far as catching dinner with you, if you like your steaks rare OR medium rare……….. How about if you just call me after and I’ll meet you for coffee and dessert?  I will still love you, just like I loved my dad.  But I just can’t get down (see definition #10) with some of the decisions you’re making with your life.


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