Cartoon Cute or Super Predator?

Cartoon Cute or Super Predator?

Post title: Cartoon Cute or Super Predator?

 

Soooo, this is that wonderful time of year when many owners of frame homes will get to hear the pitter patter of little feet. No, I don’t mean a wave of owners will be watching their toddlers take their first steps. I’m referring to a much more sinister character.

Some people think it’s so adorable when these creatures hold acorns in their two little hands while they chatter and chirp. Others are taken in by the bushy little tails and the quick, agile movements.

 

 

I don’t buy into the hype because I’ve watched those cute little tails perched up on railings teasingly flickering until they’ve driven a poor dog to near insanity. I know the secret of how evil and damaging they can be. Furry little weapons of mass destruction.

I freakin’ hate squirrels.

There. I’ve said it. And I mean it. From the depths of my black heart (“black” as in the “lacking in empathy and compassion” not as in “cool-ass descendant of peoples originating in Africa”).

"Nice squirrel" propaganda

“Nice squirrel” propaganda

I know it’s a controversial statement in this world of animal lovers and Rocky and Bullwinkle fans. But what I need for you to understand is that squirrels are not as cute and innocent as you think they are. Let me just speak candidly with you, folks. Urban squirrels are gangsta.

This is the time of year when many expanding squirrel families are looking for a nice, cozy new home. All of you proud new owners of frame homes beware. If you’re not careful, a whole family of those little gray bastards will be sitting on your couch, watching your t.v. and eating your Flaming Hot Cheetos when you get home from work.

In upcoming posts I’ll share with you my continuing battle with these woodland creatures who refuse to remain in the woods (preferring to try to live in my house) and some of the ways you can protect your property from these pests.

Flaming Hot Cheetos

 

(evil squirrel photo from Daily Stormer)

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