I’ve never been good at resting. I’ve never been a napper. I don’t enjoy lazy Saturday mornings or being in my pajamas all weekend. Maybe it is because I really want to enjoy every minute of every day or maybe I am simply a restless person.
One of the many ironies of MS is that I need to rest. The fatigue that hits daily is different from being tired. My fatigue comes on gently and it almost is better if I don’t sit down, because when I do every muscle in my lower body gets heavy and it feels as if weights or lead have replaced my legs. My body literally cannot handle the constant movement that I’m used to. I choose to believe this is one of the lessons from my diagnosis, to slow down.
Now I try to rest. I don’t plan play dates, lunches, yoga classes and meetings for every minute of every day and I schedule in time to rest. Here I am now during my rest time writing about resting.
I have the tools. I need to use my breath and my meditation to allow my body to shut down. My problem is there always seem to be something else that needs to be done.
I just need to do it. (As I now reluctantly close my laptop.)
It takes some time to quiet my mind and get comfortable. I eventually allow my body to relax and I snuggle up into my bed feeling my breath slow down and my eyelids get heavy. Then I hear the words.
“Mama, I need you!”
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