So yeah, this is what happens when baseball in Chicago blows and the NFL and NBA are locked out. Without much to talk about that hasn’t already been beaten to death by everyone with an opinion, I decided to instead have a bit of fun with some Saved by the Bell. We all have our favorite moments and plenty of us still crush hard on Kelly Kapowski. But that’s neither here nor there. We’re here today to talk about the Top Ten Saved by the Bell Sports Moments.
10. Dancing to the Max
Casey Casem slapped on an extra coat of embalming fluid and made an appearance at The Max for a nationally televised dance competition. Early favorite Lisa Turtle’s chances go up in flames after spraining an ankle. Miraculously, the judges fall for her god awful improv dance, ‘The Sprain’, and she wins. Personally, I think the whole sympathy vote was bullshit. Slater and Kelly took that thing down and got robbed. F-you writers.
9. My Boyfriend’s Back
With the big ATV race coming up at Malibu Sands, Jesse Spanno attempts to cement her status as resident butch lesbian by proving to Slater that she’s every bit of a man as he is. Once the race starts, Jesse promptly steers her ATV into the ocean and it comes down to Zack and his girlfriend’s former flame, Craig Strand. For once, someone takes it to that preppy bastard and Zack gets tossed from his ATV, paving the way for Strand to victory lane. Bout damn time if you ask me.
8. Check Your Mate
Tragedy struck Bayside when their reigning chess prodigy Screech Powers had his lucky beret stolen by those punks from Valley. Thankfully, Screech realized Valley’s Russian was no match for his talents and quickly dispatched his enemy in world record time. Bobby Fischer who?
7. Save That Tiger
Those misfits from Bayside and Valley sure love a good old prank war. And what better time to engage in one than in the days leading up to the big cheerleading competition? Zack and Slater kidnap the Valley mascot, while Valley retaliates by kidnapping Screech. However, the trick’s on Valley when their plan backfires and the Bayside Tiger’s jumping dance blows away the judges. But instead of serving 30 years hard time up in San Quentin for kidnapping, everybody laughs it off and the gang celebrates the win.
6. Student-Teacher Week
Kelly Kapowski as your history teacher? Slater musta thought he was on easy street. Too bad Miss Kapowski didn’t get the memo. When Slater and some other fellas on the football team try to ignore a test, Kelly forbids them from playing in the big game that week. In the nick of time, the boys come to their senses, pass the test and Slater leads the team to a W. Meanwhile, Kelly instantly became the basis for every teen male in the 90’s fantasy of having a smoking hot teacher.
5. Operation Zack
Ranked by Scout.com as the number one high school recruit in the country, Zack’s basketball career goes up in flames thanks to a sprained knee caused by Mr. Belding. Zack’s gotta go under the knife and tries to escape because he’s so scared. But with the help of candystriper Lisa Turtle, he faces his fears and everything ends up ok. Life lessons here people.
4. Hold Me Tight
When a brand new beauty named Kristy comes to Bayside, naturally Zack goes after her like a dog in heat. Little does he know, she’s a wrestler and desperately wants to be on the school team, much to the chagrin of Slater. When Zack gets punked by a few Valley wrestlers at the Max, his new girl rushes to his rescue and saves the day. Naturally, Preppy is feeling like a bitch and plays a part in getting Kristy to quit the team. But after seeing the error in his ways, he convinces Kristy to rejoin the team and leads them to victory over Valley.
3. Zack’s War
In an effort to get Zack’s ass in line, Mr. Belding forces him to enlist in the Army Cadet Corps. It’s basically a mix between American Gladiators and the final obstacle course on Double Dare. When Zack gets swindled into picking a team full of funk ups, he quits knowing there’s no damn way they can beat Slater and company. But in what amounts to the greatest comeback story every told, Zack returns and coaches up his band of weaklings to an improbable victory.
2. The Game
No matter where they go, the gang always seems to find themselves smack dab in the middle of a rivalry. This time it’s the annual volleyball game between Malibu Sands and North Beach. When he realizes his squad won’t get him anywhere near Mr. Carosi’s Mustang, he enlists the help of a ringer by acting as Kelly’s pimp and pawning her off on a seven footer. After a volleyball montage that makes Top Gun look like straight porn, Malibu Sands wins, Zack gets the car and all is right with the world again.
1. Pinned to the Mat
Zack’s gambling addiction goes too far as he places a serious wager on an upcoming wrestling match between Slater and Valley’s Marvin Niedick. Things go all kinds of bad when Slater decides to quit wrestling and Screech is forced to fill in or else Zack will end up floating in the Pacific. Just before Screech gets a taste of the Razor’s Edge, Slater steps and in and pulls off the upset of the century. Epic stuff guys.