An Open Letter to Guys Who Stare

An Open Letter to Guys Who Stare

Dear Guys (Who Like Admiring A Pretty Lady),

I’ll admit I don’t address you directly very often. Instead, I keep my posts broad and typically spend a lot of time processing all I’ve learned as a result of my love life. However, this time around, I’ve decided to write you all an open letter in response to something that’s always bothered me. And that’s the way many of you — single (and sometimes not single) — tend to look at us when you find us attractive. Although it’s flattering when you glance at us in admiration, if it goes on a little too long (and becomes the dreaded ‘stare’), it can also be a bit unsettling. So therefore, I thought it was about time I remind you WHY you should cut this out. Like pretty much every single woman, I’ve both witnessed and been subject to this kind of staring, which has really bothered me. But this holiday weekend, as I was out and about with my girlfriends, it was at an all time high, regardless of how tame my outfits were… And, while I thought this may slow with the fall season coming, I imagine nice fall outfits and stylish knee high boots will give you more reason to stare. Therefore, you should be aware of what that ‘wandering eye’ behavior makes some of us think about you. Above all, I’m hoping this just makes you a bit more considerate down the road.

  • It’s Desperate: It feels pretty safe to say this: but, there are very few people that don’t appreciate being admired. It’s validating and it’s nice to know someone else finds you attractive. However, when a gaze lingers a little too long, it makes us wonder and looks a little overeager. After all, there’s a bit of the thrill to the chase, so unless you’re approaching us or sending a drink over to get the ball rolling, staring just makes you seem cowardly.  Yes, there’s always the fear of rejection, but staring just makes a person wonder if you lack the social skills or etiquette for a more casual or relaxed interaction. In that case, you may almost be better off doing nothing than staring.
  • It’s Rude: Didn’t your mother tell you it was rude to stare? Well, if you missed that lesson, it’s true (no matter how fascinated you may be by what you may be watching). Plus, by staring too hard, you may just be making the object of your affection super uncomfortable which also gives that person a no-so-great impression of you.
  • It’s Creepy: Yes, it’s desperate, it’s rude… But it’s just plain ol’ creepy. It’s got the makings of a bad Lifetime movie. Plus, in this day and age, the last thing you need to do is break out with a stare so intense that it makes the object of your affection wonder whether you like them… Or whether they should call someone because they need protection. No matter how unintentional, think about it if the shoe were on the other foot: would you be OK with someone staring at you that hard? I’m betting not.

Please, don’t take this the wrong way. While I write this partially in jest, I also sincerely mean it as a means to provide a bit of insight into what runs through our minds. Like I said, it’s flattering, really. And it’s not like we don’t appreciate it either. But, it’s how long you do it and your facial expression that gets overwhelming… I guarantee one or all three of the above will enter our minds. And, while none of these things may have been the intent of your actions, that’s almost certainly where it will go with a look that lingers too long. So, act on it, or admire quickly from afar and keep about your business. Either way, you’ll quickly “demystify” the object of your affection and treat her like the human that she is. And that’s what counts, after all.


The RD

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