Because my 20s have been sprinkled with a fair share of casual dating, I haven’t really been confronted by any situations in which I’ve noticed a woman deliberately flirt with a guy I’m seriously with. The way I saw it, in those cases when I didn’t expect to be with someone long, I tried not to focus on the things that would probably upset me if I were in a more exclusive situation.
Anyway, now that I find myself with a boyfriend, Sav, I’ve realized that not only is it possible for someone to have the gumption to flirt with my guy in my presence, but that I would need to (1) have the control to not flip out about it and (2) remind myself that there are certain things I needed to accept about why someone would attempt to pull a stunt like that…(Sidebar: Yes, the RD has a boyfriend. Guess you didn’t see that coming, huh? Neither did I!)
Anyway, I brought Sav with me last weekend to meet one of my friends, Cristine at one of my favorite Lakeview hangouts. Joining us was his best friend Drake, and another one of his friends Carl.
Now I should say here that Sav and I had been there together a couple of weeks earlier and had a great time. We’d been received really well by everyone there, and Sav especially caught the eye of a waitress there, who I could tell was flirting with him. But he thought I was making a but much of it. So, I let it slide.
That’s why when we were back, I didn’t give the same waitress a second thought — at first. Even when she started adding plenty of extra cherries to his drink and being extra nice to him, I was still a little dismissive, although I was a little suspicious.
So later, when Sav tells me that the waitress had approached him and offered him her number, I was livid, even shooting off at the mouth. Granted he’d blown her off. But it was the blatant disrespect that annoyed me. However, that’s when Sav kissed me and reminded me of something: “Baby, why are you upset? You have me, she doesn’t. It’s not even worth it.”
And he’s right. Granted, it didn’t stop me from being upset right away. After all, not only did she see me with him at the same bar once before, she even took a photo of the two of us that first time. Was she really so shady to flirt with my boyfriend — and think I wouldn’t notice?
Now that it’s all passed, I do realize there isn’t much for me to fret about. At the end of the day, he’s mine and he makes sure I know it too: he’s affectionate, attentive, and not shy about letting it show that we’re an item. All pluses!
But, I was still trying to understand the reason for the Shady Waitress’s approach. And, at the end of the day, I realized that some things were clear:
- Shady Waitress clearly felt like she: (a) wanted to compete, (b) had something to prove, or (c) wanted to see what I would do. Either way, it was very tacky on her part and it was beneath me to do the catty-over-a-man thing (Besides, as crazy as I am about my man, I’m not feeling the cliche girl fight)
- Me flipping out would have shown her I was threatened, so it was probably the best bet for me to keep it cool.
- I have to trust my boyfriend to do right by me. As sketchy as her behavior may have been, and as much as I believe in a Girl Code of not trying to do another girl dirty, she doesn’t owe me the courtesy to do the right thing.
- I can’t flip out at every girl that finds my man attractive. Instead, consider that a compliment and keep it moving.
- At the end of the day, I need to remember: I have the upper hand… Because she wants what I have. And what he wants is me.
Later that night, as we all walked out, he put his arm around me very affectionately and I felt great. No need to fret, ’cause I had the guy. And that was all there was to it.