Being Dumped Is An Attractive Quality (So It Seems...)

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The last few years have been quite a colorful journey in the world of dating and romance: I’ve met and fallen a few times, in most cases when I’ve least expected it. And, while the past has bubbled up from time to time, it’s ultimately stayed where it belongs — in the past — as I work on the new year and starting from scratch once again.

That means I won’t allow myself to be consumed by my past as I have done before and that some of my “sagas” can finally be put to rest: the “one-of-a-kinds” like Charles; the smooth talkers like the Casanova; the promise-breakers like Jason; or the ones that can’t settle down like James

In some of these cases, things have just faded (not necessarily by choice but not totally disappointing, either). In others, I’ve done the letting go. So, it was fascinating when I came across a study that says being dumped can actually be an appealing quality for men…

According to a story I came across on, it looks like men’s ratings of a woman improve when they found out she’s been dumped (yes, you read right), according to a study done by a professor at the University of Michigan and published by Evolutionary Psychology.

Other colorful insights from the research?

  • Women see positives out of dating someone who initiated their most recent break-up
  • The disclosure of how the previous break-up occurred had a large impact on someone looking for a long-term partner vs. a short-term sexual fling.
  • Both men and women seemed to be put off by the idea that a potential mate would disclose the events of why a past relationship ended, although women were more turned off than guys were

The professor that conducted the study does raise an interesting theory about it, saying that for men that break-up with women may maintain some type of dominance role, while women doing the dumping may seem a bit high-maintenance.

Quite the theory that makes partial sense to me. However, when it comes to the man dumping a lady, I’d go out on a limb and throw another theory into the ring and say that many women may see a man that’s done the dumping as a type of “challenge” to win over. And, if a lady can get a man under her spell, then it speaks to her prowess and appeal… Heck, I’ll own the times that in my early days, I basked in the idea that I had a guy another lady couldn’t keep. It was like a strange ego boost to know I had something she didn’t.

But that’s only a theory.

These days, I tend to avoid the drama and I hate men with drama — especially dramatic exes. Who wants to deal with all that mess? But, I’ve also decided that independent of any past, each situation is unique. And a person’s previous dating habits are as big as I make ’em. That’s the only way to not get caught up thinking about what could be and worry about living for the now… Know what I mean?

Besides, how exhausting is it to fuss over the things you can’t control (like someone’s past)? Pretty darn tiring, I’d say…

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