I’m going to go ahead and admit a broad generalization I once held when I started dating: like many ladies, I believed that men were too macho or stubborn to apologize when they’ve screwed up or did someone wrong.
And, with situations like Casanova’s or Jason’s — times where I shouldn’t have tolerated most of the nonsense I did — I definitely didn’t feel hopeful that a man would really apologize or own his own mistakes.
IF in the event he DID own his mistake, it was probably because he was after the sex or some else pretty physical. But, definitely because he meant his apology.
Truthfully, it seemed to make perfect sense. And even though Charles, in our recent talks, has acknowledged a lot of what went wrong with us, it didn’t mean that in general this didn’t hold true about men not being able to say “I’m sorry.”
Then, a recent study ended up in my inbox from Miller-McCune, about how men are indeed as willing to apologize as women, but are also less willing to take offense with the things women do. And suddenly, it gave me a chance to think about it a little differently…
Basically, the study revealed that while men are, indeed, “less likely
to say ‘I’m sorry,’ they’re also less likely to take offense and expect an apology from someone else.”
What this means? They’re just willing to take more than women are, especially when it comes to considering something offensive.
So It’s not always because he doesn’t care, although that is a possibility. No it’s because what he finds wrong is probably very different from what his lady friend would find wrong.
However, what it seems to boil down to is his perception. Basically, does he know he’s done wrong? Have you communicated it? Or are you telepathically expecting him to just “get it”? If so, then that may be super-unrealistic… And unfair, for that matter.
So, maybe — and here’s a thought — by being a bit more transparent, it’s possible that apologies may happen…
Can you expect it? Not always. (And then run for the hills because a guy that can’t apologize has deeper issues you can’t help) But, if you’re as candid as possible, then maybe it’s a lot more likely you’ll get that I’m sorry if there’s ever a major screw up. I mean, no one–especially not a guy–can correct his wrongdoing if he doesn’t KNOW what he did, can he?
Some food for thought there…
NOTE: This isn’t to be confused with fickle and emotionally
distant guys that hurt you and over and over again. To spot the these heart breakers, might I suggest looking up Jason; Casanova in the Cheat Sheet.