Obituary: Internet Connection, We Hardly Knew Ye

Obituary: Internet Connection, We Hardly Knew Ye

What does one do when faced with an awesome dilemma?

Do they whine? Do they cry? Do they fly in rage at whatever person happens to be next to them?

All of those things are true, yet none of them fully encompass what it is like to have an amazing and gargantuan part of your life wrenched from your hands.

I am, of course, talking about my internet connection.

That sole beloved entity in my life, solely there to make my life easier and happier, was taken from me, because of a malfunctioning USB Port.

These past few weeks have been a horrible burden with the use of my internet, and therefore have made blog posting impossible. So not only has my life taken a halt, so has my semi-career.

Even now, I am posting this blog from my mother’s own malfunctioning work computer, with its sticky keys and sullen screen.

I may sound like a child who has had their Play-Doh taken away, but you must realize that for someone as addicted to the internet as I am, it can be like taking crack away from an inner-city homeless man.

I have, of course, found other ways to compensate through these troubling times. I have read. I have written other things. I have sat in bed staring at the ceiling and wonderful what in God’s name will happen to me next.

And frankly, my dears, that is depressing.

Life has all but come to a screeching halt, now that my internet connection has died as quick, painless death.

Tomorrow I’m going to Best Buy, and hopefully erradicating this problem, but yet the pain lingers like salt in an already-raw wound.

But, as always, life must go on, and so does mine. I will continue to walk God’s green earth and enjoy nature, but in the back of my mind wishing that the tree I am so keenly observing had a computer screen on it, already booted up to YouTube so I can watching my Stephen Sondheim videos and live my life fully and happily.

But, alas, that will never happen.

So I want to take this moment to ask you, my readers and fellow writers, to mourn my loss, but at the same time, take account of your own lives.

Take account of your blessings in life, as I have grown to do. Sit up in the morning, open up the shutters and open a new window in your life.

That reminds me of lyrics from Jerry Herman’s musical Mame: “Open a new window every day.”

So take a moment out of your day and try something new. Turn of the TV and the Internet and learn how to find new and exciting opportunities in life and new experiences.

You and you alone can find what makes you happy in life, so get off your butt and live!

My internet collapsing like a broken building has taught me that there are so many exciting things in life, that we must take full account of them if we want to live a full and happy life.

So, my dear reading, get outside!

To quote dear Auntie Mame again: “Life is a banquet, and most poor sons-of-bitches are starving to death. So Live, Live, LIVE!”

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