I know everyone is going crazy with lockdowns and social distancing and quarantining and other buzzwords.
Except for one group that shouldn’t be: redheads. Hear me out! Shelter-in-place and mask-wearing mandates are great for redheads because:
1. It means we aren’t forced to expose ourselves to the sun for social events with the daywalkers.
2. Wearing masks means we can cover up our easily sunburnt faces & no one will think weirdly of us for it. We could go outside wearing a mask, hat, and sunglasses, with almost our full faces covered (a ginger’s dream!) and no one would think we’re weird! Well, we’re ginger, so they already think we’re weird, but if we cover up our hair then they won’t even know we’re ginger! (Or can they smell it on us?…)
3. We can save our money and our skin from black mascara and other makeup, such as bronzer and spray tanner that covers up our true vampire nature.
In sum, one of the silver linings of the coronavirus pandemic’s social distancing measures is that it has allowed our people to live as we are meant to — inside, away from the sun — unlike these daywalkers who force us outside all the time.
So let your invisible eyelashes and eyebrows take a rest from all those chemicals you put on them just to try to fit in with the gintiles (my term for non-gingers). Also yay! Your beautiful red hair won’t fade in the sunlight.
As an added bonus, even if you’re healthy, when people see your pale face sans makeup, they’ll probably assume you’re sick and stay at least 6 ft away from you!
Stay safe my ginger brethren. Remember, we stemmed from the Vikings, so we’re a strong bunch! Hope you’re all channeling Ygritte from Game of Thrones and her strength these days.