Royal Wedding: No Hope Left for Ginger Heirs

Royal Wedding: No Hope Left for Ginger Heirs
Prince Harry during his nudity scandal

Today is a sad day for gingers. Prince Harry and Sparkles likelihood of carrying ginger babies is quite low. I’m still unreasonably angry Prince Harry didn’t choose me instead. I mean c’mon, we’d have been like, the cutest couple ever.

Something tells me the Queen was OK with the ceremony being so atraditional because she wanted to make sure there weren’t any additional gingers in line for the throne. She certainly proved today that she’s not overtly racist against black people (the blackness of the wedding was AWESOME and unexpected), but I still suspect gingerism — the last frontier of racism — is in her bones.

After all, how could it not be considering England’s history with Ireland?

Also, dear Harry, is really, really hot. I never ever thought I’d say that about a ginger guy before, but he’s like the only celebrity I’ve ever crushed on who I actually feel torn up and genuinely jealous about getting married. I mean normally I know they are celebrities, and I don’t have a chance, and I probably wouldn’t even like their personalities in real life anyway/they’re probably arseholes, but something about Harry just makes me feel so genuinely into him. Like if I had a coworker who looked like him, I’d want to bone him so badly. Maybe it’s his bad boy reputation. Le sigh. And as an added bonus: if we procreated, we’d further the ginger race.

Also, growing up, I always had it out for girls like Sparkles. Just racially ambiguous enough so as to be exotic but still OK to take home to mom — I always saw them as a threat, because quite frankly, cute white boys always chose them over me! I’m thankful to be in Chicago now, where I’m considered slightly more exotic than I was in my Scandinavian-heavy hometown, where gingers abound. Also, how does Sparkles, well…sparkle…so much? She reminds me of glitter, and it’s just not fair that the rest of us plebes don’t naturally sparkle as much!

Also…I miss Princess Diana 🙁


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  • Looking at some of the older pictures of Princes William and Harry, they once had hair, but are well on the way to not, unless you are turned on by Harry's beard. But like you, I did note the juxtaposition of strawberry and milk chocolate.

    While William definitely and fortunately takes after Diana, I agree with some tabloids that the Queen should go on Maury and demand a DNA test on Harry.

    While Harry's heirs would be way down the list of succession, I'm sure there is enough henna to take care of any eventuality.

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    Being a redhead guy, I can see why Prince Harry chose a dark and exotic. I myself have always been interested in the same. Although women with red hair are quite gorgeous, the only redhead girlfriend I had is when I was 4 and wow did we get in trouble together. Hey, I have been reading your other posts and I like your red-haired views. Check my blog please for my redheaded experiences. Thanks

  • In reply to Jesse Larson:

    Ha, me too! Something about opposites attracting, I suppose. I'm checking out your blog now.

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    The Ginger Phile has had the unfortunate disposition of being a ginger since birth. She has tried various medications to cure her gingervitis, including therapies such as tantrum-throwing. Her efforts have been to no avail. Instead, she is trying to write it out, via this blog. Unfortunately, she doesn't think it will bear a soul for her. The Ginger Phile is from the exotic land of Wisconsin, where she had daily inner turmoil over whether she was a ginger or a daywalker. So far, three of three votes say daywalker. She begs to differ, as someone recently told her they would want to be with her if they were biking at night because she is so pale.

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