Red hair, white skin and blue eyes for those of us cursed to have the most unique hair/eye color combo in the world; what could be more patriotic? A few years ago, I wore purple or another redhead-friendly but not America-friendly color on the Fourth of July, and I was yelled at for being unpatriotic. I used my coloring as a defense; unlike the rest of these American pussies, I didn’t need red, white and blue clothes; my body is patriotic enough as is. So Happy Fourth of July to all my fellow unicorns! Don’t let anyone make you wear patriotic colors that don’t look nearly as good on you as green, purple and gold do.
And as always, don’t forget your sunscreen! Or I mean…just to stay inside. Yes, that would be best. Just stay inside tomorrow.