Painting Wisconsin Red

Painting Wisconsin Red

In case you didn’t know, I went to the University of Wisconsin for undergrad. In case you didn’t know, the Wisconsin Badgers are playing in kinda a big game right now against a kinda douchey school named Duke. (Albeit, I’ll admit douches exist at Wisconsin too. Remember the Sigma Chi gang rape, anyone?)

In case you also didn’t know, Wisconsin Badger colors are red and white.

I was surprised, when I arrived at the university as an 18-year-old female version of Carrot Top, to be amongst more of my people than I had ever been before. Seriously, Madison is an absolute haven for redheads. Even multiple non-gingers took note of this strange phenomenon. Gingers are to Madison as Jews are to Israel. (And ginger-Jews are confused as to where exactly they belong.)

So why do so many redheads go to Madison? A few theories:

1. We feel comfortable wearing red & white/don’t have to spend money on expensive sweatshirts at the college bookstore since our bodies are the right colors.

2. Those of us from Wisconsin tend to have Scandinavian heritage, which means if we are not blonde, we’re probably copper-locked.

3. There’s a hell of a lot of Jews at Madison, somewhat surprisingly. Even more surprisingly, a large majority of those Jews are red-haired. (At least that came as a surprise to those of us from small-town Wisconsin where the only Jew we knew was Jesus. … And my dad.)

4. If you visit Madison in the summer, it tricks you into thinking it’s a glorious place were daywalkers can drink Spotted Cow while playing Sheepshead overlooking Lake Mendota at the Memorial Union Terrace. But little do those Vitamin D-deficient anti-freaks suspect just how miserable…and cold…and dark…the days get during the school year. A haven for vampires…er, I mean redheads.

5. Redheads are smarter than other people. The University of Wisconsin-Madison is the best college in the state of Wisconsin — and between Wisconsin and its Viking rival, Minnesota. The Minnesota-Nices (Passive-Aggressives) flock down to the most quintessential college town in the nation to get learned good.

6. We just want to be normal. We thought going to a flagship state school would help. It didn’t. In our next life (we’d still be gingers, duh), we’ll make sure to have parents who are rich enough to send us to a small private liberal arts college where weirdos and living in Brooklyn post-college is encouraged.

Since six is such a symbolic number for the devil (aka redheads), I’ll stop there. Which theory do you buy into?

Oh yeah, and uh…GO BIG RED!!! (I had to tell my non-Sconnie friends that I didn’t mean me when I said that. They want to start calling me “Big Red”, and I almost killed them for calling me fat. But I think they’re really referring to my tits.)

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    The Ginger Phile has had the unfortunate disposition of being a ginger since birth. She has tried various medications to cure her gingervitis, including therapies such as tantrum-throwing. Her efforts have been to no avail. Instead, she is trying to write it out, via this blog. Unfortunately, she doesn't think it will bear a soul for her. The Ginger Phile is from the exotic land of Wisconsin, where she had daily inner turmoil over whether she was a ginger or a daywalker. So far, three of three votes say daywalker. She begs to differ, as someone recently told her they would want to be with her if they were biking at night because she is so pale.

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