Active Awkward Mind - Quick Hits 1

Life supplies plenty of moments to stop and ask questions, or perhaps make a statement. Why this or why that? How this or how that? Here, since you’ve asked, are mine:

–  Why isn’t a universal rule to wait until the entire elevator cab has dispensed its occupants prior to entry?

– Do doctors get together once a month to drink brandy, smoke cigars, and laugh at the amount of money we spend at their offices? Dentists included…

– I think fancy dinners, everything but the food, is a total farce. Get away from me with that white tablecloth crap. I eat like an infant, give me a bib.

– Rubbing knees with a total stranger is unacceptable, unless you’re on an airplane. It’s like being on a love sofa with your honey, minus the affection, freshly-bathed smell, talking points, regard for their comfort, sidling, sweet nothings, and anything else that would make it completely normal.

– Do Prius drivers really think they are making the world cleaner with their garbage attitude?

– Derrick knows that he’s being paid to play basketball, right?

– Similar to above, whether or not he cares, Jay Cutler knows he’s an apathetic ass clown with a laser rocket arm, gorgeous wife, too much money, and enough slack to choke any coach that comes within ten yards of him. Of course he knows…he’s Jay Cutler.

– Similar to above, the Bears suck.

– If you’re hanging out with a group and one of the persons has slept with you (if you’re not together that is), do you consistently visualize her/him naked?

– Abbreviated language is the bastardization of an art form. WTF bro.

– Why isn’t dancing in public allowed? I think we’d be better off as a society.

– If I do the math correctly, which I think I am, Bill Gates could donate $231.42 to every single American citizen (350 million) and still have $40,000,000,000 (half of his current net worth for all my curious kitties out there). My question – wouldn’t that be neat if he did?

– A man’s necktie is nothing more than a leash for the man to yank you whichever way he wishes, but dammit some of them ties are pretty sharp!

– Am I wrong to think that everyone is jealous of Jimmy Buffett? And if I am wrong, what’s the matter with those people?

– IT IS “Couldn’t care less” NOT “Could care less” – Ah!!

– Small talk accounts for 30%* of our conversations at work, which is a complete waste of time. (*This statistic is not scientific at all, just conjecture by the author of this nonsensical blog)

– Why do people live in an area that is commonly victimized by tornadoes? Sounds like these “risk-takers” live on the edge.

– Six to midnight pants adjustments for unpredictable boners in high school should have been considered an athletic move.

– It’s unfortunate that shaking clammy hands isn’t allowed to elicit some sort of response. Like, “Oh, get that checked out.” or “Do you have any hand sanitizer?” If you know you have clammy hands regularly, or perhaps you’re nervous, own it and apologize immediately.

– In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I have no problem taking the leg. You’re not an ass for doing so. You’re just a lot smarter than those fools taking white meat.

Enjoy your holiday weekend! Food and football all around!

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