Dan Brown's Lost 2000 Year Old Vatican Scroll Coming To A Bookstore Near You

It has been leaked in the New York press that best-selling author Dan Brown will release his latest blockbuster Vatican novel on Christmas Day. The title is to be “The Last Scroll” based on the remaining 12 pages from a long lost Gnostic text.

Tens of millions of Brown readers anticipate the publication with the usual passion to uncover repressed secrets about the meaning of life. Unlike the Christian orthodoxy, Gnostics have always believed some of us are the direct repositories of truth, without the need for intervening clergies and rituals.

A pirate copy passed through these hands just long enough for me to read what may
be the dark storyline’s payoff in chapter 22. An Albino Dominican monk is found dying in the Vatican Library with these words seared into his face:

“In religion, never bet against the house.”

My mind spun, my eyes rolled, my stomach churned. Never bet against the house…? Is that the great reality hidden for 2000 years in this sealed Gnostic scroll…? There has to be more. Brown’s imagination simply has to be more creative than that.

But then.

A computer scan of the weekend headlines seems to give truth to his simplistic Gnostic cliche. Upon closer examination, every, and I mean every cliche in the world once again rang true this weekend. See for yourself. In addition to “never bet against the house” there was ~

* in politics, incumbents win reelection
* in wars, there are no winners
* in Wall Street, the rich get richer
* in government, the answer is always another committee
* in the NFL, any team can beat any other team on any given Sunday

Perhaps cliches are not all that cliche. If they were, they wouldn’t have made it this long, right Dan?

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