Everyone has their favorite conspiracy theory. Lincoln and Booth…Hearst and the sinking of the Maine …FDR and Pearl Harbor…Kennedy and Oswald…Obama and Benghazi. But here’s one that kinda sneaks up on you: Capitalism and Daylight Savings Time.
A stretch? No, you silly purist, ’tis no stretch to find dark conspiracies even behind the light of day.
It all began in 1966 when Congress passed the insidious, horological tyranny otherwise known as the Uniform Time Act. That’s when we wretched laborers were suddenly compelled to have more daylight time [translate that: more working time] every damn day from Fall to Spring.
Now here’s how this conspiracy unfolded before our very eyes. Countries during WWI declared Daylight Savings Time to conserve coal consumption. Later President Roosevelt declared what he called War Time during WWII. Then in 1966 Congress made the whole conspiracy official even in peacetime.
Harmless? You silly thing, you just don’t get it, do you? You obviously don’t have enough conspiracy genes to your DNA. Can’t you see how the same faceless system that imposes hidden taxes on you is also determining how much daylight you’re allowed to have? All with the capitalistic intention of squeezing more working hours out of you and me.
Alright, my friends, my work here is done.
I heard this conspiratorial explanation one dark night over drinks in a bue-collar section of town. The guys were pretty angry, because they had not thought about this angle until just recently. Now they were furious, and vowed action. First, though, another game of darts and a round of drinks.
As I left the Eye Of The Storm tavern, I had to wonder. Were they drunk or were they on to something?
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