I Confess, I'm A Whistleblower About Teeth Whitening

Whistle-blowers have become a hot topic in our 24/7 social media. Noble or ignoble…? After the truth or after the glory…? In my case I’ll let you decide. Over the last several months I have scanned the toothpaste counters of Chicago drug stores, and have studied headlines like “More whitening,” “Ultra whitening,” “Optic whitening.” My best conclusion is they don’t make a dime’s worth of difference. Just a wily way of saying we’ve added another squish of peroxide to the formula.

If true, why do bloggers like me bother to grouse about it? And about other annoying public practices? Well, grousing is what some of us do at this age; altho recently we can kick it up a moral notch by using whistle-blower instead of grouser.

To whistle-blow implies there is something foul afoot. In the matter of national security, that can have serious military consequences. But aren’t their also consequences from a national habit in which we consistently camouflage who we are with what we want you to believe we are? In other words, in which we kinda lie from dawn to dusk, from kitchen to office, from friends to rivals?

A pregnant pause.

Perhaps I use the verb ‘lie’ too melodramatically. After all, almost everything we find on the counters of our drug stores is more or less one more shade of camouflage. Teeth whiteners…eye make up …hair creams…energy pills…tummy tuckers. I mean, when we stand before our nightly mirror and take these camouflages off, what the hell is left?

You’ll pardon my flair for the melodramatic, but I’d melodramatically guess that what’s left is what we started with in the morning, and have been working diligently all day to compensate for. In Hollywood, ‘compensating’ is a way of life. Brilliant white teeth and such. In the real world, that’s not much of a life…!

Filed under: Uncategorized

Leave a comment