Listen Up! My Conspiracy Theory Is Better Than Your Conspiracy Theory

As you sink ever deeper into your TV chair during the nightly news, it’s hard to believe we may be living in history’s safest times. Safe? Are you crazy? It’s true when you contrast today’s medical, police, and camera safeguards to the unlit, un-immunized, un-secured cities of the ancient and medieval past.

What scares the hell out of us each news night is, ironically, us. Us and our remarkable new technologies which can bring all the bad news of the day from anywhere at anytime right into our otherwise safe little living rooms. Simply put, we know and see too much too soon.

A funny thing now happens.

Short of turning off the set and drowning our anxieties in some detective story we know will have a happy ending, many of us will blithely turn to the handiest conspiracy theory we can find. You know, some outlandish line of thinking which in its own zany way helps explain the madness before our terrified eyes. Helps give your fears some seemingly rational insights. Gang wars…? It’s just the way “they” are! Climate change…? A big hoax by the government to get more tax monies from us! A new Pope….? Nothing new about the way the Vatican keeps putting up front-men to hide than worldwide banking schemes! Obama…? Anybody who knows anything knows he’s a secret Muslim Socialist birth-cetificate liar! Oh and this Benghazi disaster…? It couldn’t simply be a tragic foul-up; it obviously has to be a Hillary manipulated over-up to save her future bid for presided! Hey, don’t fool yourself, there a reason behind everything.

In all fairness there is a reason to find conspiracies lurking behind every rock in every news report. See, as long as I can find a plot and a plotter then, by God, I can make some sense out of any otherwise terrifyingly senseless world. In a perfectly neat perverse sort of way, conspiracies help make sense of my life . Which in turn lets me sleep just a bit better at night.

Sorta like the crazy Cub fans in the bleachers always have some outfielder to blame for their upcoming 103rd win-less season out at Wrigley!

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