This Month's Dumbest Damn Research About Boomers

Brown University, an otherwise fine institution, gets this month’s dumb-dumb award. They spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars to come up with a conclusion any damn fool could without all the fuss. Study author Tracy I. Jackson tells the New York Times: “We found that motorcycle riders between 20 and 39 had 14 times the number of accidents that riders over 60 did, but the older riders had three times the risk of being seriously hurt, sustaining far more fractures, dislocations, and internal organ injuries.”

Come on, professor, do you seriously believe anyone didn’t instinctivel know that? You’re in your 40s; I suggest you try being in your 80s to see for yourself why an old body is more vulnerable!

Besides, what in God’s name are any of us Octogenarians doing on a motorcycles in the first place? The answer is that Baby Boomers are jumping onto Harley-Davidsons in growing — lets call that in stupid — numbers.

Not to worry, though, for the Boomers are entering their 60s just in time for one of the country’s slickest new institutions: Revive and Restore. This is one of those hip think tanks, funded in part by the National Geographic and the TED conferences, which is planning some serious Jurassic Park horizons. Their premise is that what can be done with dinos can be done with other species. They call it “de-extinction” and like many of today’s out-there dreamers, they dream of de-extincting ancient species along the lines of the Stephen Spieberg film.

Can you just see the possibilities. Not only bringing back long-extint critters, but maybe learning how to re-constitute broken old octogenarian bones which have tried once too often to use their Harley-Davidson to play Marlon Brando’s ‘Wild One.’

Oh you never heard of that 1956 movie? Well then, maybe none of the above applies to you anyway. Just know this — motorcycles are an ER’s best friend. Take a bus.

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