Science Decides The Cosmos Must Be Female, Because You Just Can't Predict Her

All right, I admit the headline sounds a little sexist, but stick with me here and you may agree with it.

From Einstein to Sagan to Hawking, the big boys with the big telescopes have hung on to certain assumptions only to have the cosmos turn around and surprise them. Take for example the cosmological principle which holds that the cosmos is essentially homogeneous [aka, looks the same in every direction]. Well you can forget that one, sorta like you can her last promise to meet you on time…!

Turns out there’s another whole quasar-cluster out there we never knew about. They’re calling it ‘huge-LQG.’ This baby is a monstrous cluster of 73 quasars, each the center of its own galaxy. Are you ready for this? That’s a structure that measures 4 billion light years across, making our Milky Way galaxy’s 100,000 light years across a mere speck. Pretty humbling, sorta like her is-this-all-there-is look when you brought her those flowers…!

I figure the cosmos has to be feminine, for it seems to keep changing its mind about things. Like where it came from, where its going, what does it think about us, or does it even bother to think about us. Admit it fellas, each of its characteristics has ‘female’ written all over its stardust…!

What makes this new quasar-cluster seem so feminine is that it appeared to scientists exactly here they didn’t expect to find one. Astronomer Roger Clowen, of the UK’s University of Central Lancaster, said: “This really makes it hard to say the cosmos is uniform and predictable.” Predictable….? Roger, if you know any women, you must have learned by now that being predictable is not their strong suite!

After reading about this quasar-cluster, the first picture that comes to mind is this grand conference among the world’s leading astronomers and philosophers. The topic before the house is: If the cosmos is female, what is the role of the male of the species? At that point, the picture in my mind gets a little fuzzy. More than that, a little scary. I mean, what if they decide guys are only good for secondary roles?

Oh wait a minute! The women I know have already come to that conclusion……..

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