Open Letter To Cubs New Sensation, Whatshisnamee

Dear Anthony Rizzo!

As a pathological Cub fan for four-times-your-age, I welcome you to your new place in the pantheon of rookie sensations. God love you in your role as their newest ticket-seller.

Sorry if that sounds flippant, but I believe it only fair a young .342 hitter with 62 RBIs understands what he’s doing here. Playing and hitting, sure; but something more. Everyone knows it’s another June Swoon, and you can’t possibly change that 102-year-old fact of Wrigley Field life.

But here’s what you CAN do. You can, maybe for a few summer weeks, provide some buzz in the media…in the bleachers…among the cops and vendors who populate Wrigleyville…and with all those blood-sucking reporters who’ll track you down for some “angle” that can sell papers.

What sort of angle…? Well, it sure as hell isn’t your stats they want, it’s those scoops they can concoct from any old girlfriends, mentors, tattoos, oh and boyfriends if possible! So enjoy the ride until in time they turn on you. You have to understand reporters and fans love their heroes, but heroes-with-feet-of-clay even more!

Sorry, Anthony, it’s got nothing to do with baseball. Like everything else in the world of celebrity and of chewing gum, it has to do with just how long we can get some juice out of you. After that…well, there’s always another sensation [or sad-sack] coming down the pike. During a long hot summer at Wrigley, either will do just fine…

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  • The official scorer apparently bowed to crowd pressure 2 times when he was up.

    Also, given a reference during that broadcast about a "third baseman making his debut in 1960," I wonder if 50 years from now there will be gnashing about the Cubs AC 154 across the street and Rizzo not making the Hall of Fame yet. At least we won't be around to find out.

  • In reply to jack:

    Jack ~ 50 days from now, as well as 50 years from now, this isn't likely to matter much. Or am I sounding too much like a Cub fan...???

  • In reply to Jack Spatafora:

    If this is in response to my reference to Ron Santo, no. The type of foaming I mentioned in the second paragraph is typical of the conventional wisdom about Cub fans. There is the periodic story about the 98 year old Cub fan who still hasn't seen a World Series trophy, except on a double decker bus with "White Sox" on it.

    In fact, I'm surprised someone hasn't already started a campaign for "Kerry Wood in the Hall by 2018." They would have started one for SamMe already, except for the "no comprende roids" problemo.

  • In reply to jack:

    You sound like a seasoned Cub fan.... seasoned in the sense you've been watching them long enough to know what to expect from them.. nothing, absolutely least that makes them the mos consistent team in sports!

  • In reply to Jack Spatafora:

    No. I watch the Cubs, but my inclination is with the Sox, especially since they did get to the World Series in 1959.

    I also note that whenever WGN does a retrospective, at least the Sox one ends with the 2005 parade. Even if Ozzie is now nuts.

    On the other hand, one of my sisters was a Cubs fan, although about the only positive memory she has is that both she and Mike Murphy were there when Ken Holtzman threw the no hitter, and she got on the TV news.

  • In reply to jack:

    I think most people go to Wrigley for the Wrigley experience...the game is usually just a sideshow....well at least that's how it's been with me the last 20 years

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