Category: humor

Fact: The human head weighs 12,000 lbs when resting on one's trachea

My husband is away on a work trip again. Don’t get any ideas, robbers, we have houseguests! Anyway, by night three, my kid usually weasels his way into my bedroom to try to destroy me via co sleeping snuggle. Warm fuzzies, yeah yeah. Without fail, this is what happens every GD time. 4:30 AM – Kid... Read more »

I love that my kid lacks a filter

Yesterday morning, after yelling,  “DO NOT COME INTO MY BEDROOM,” my 4 y/o kid, EK, calmed down and went about his morning routine of feeding his creepy fish and pretending to get dressed. He then asked, “[m]ama, do I have a greater brain than you? Because I remember more stuff than you.” Maybe? His memory... Read more »

5 absurd reasons why working from home is amazificent

Back in 2008, I relocated from DC to Chicago and my boss was kind enough to keep me on the payroll as a part-time employee. It was my first experience in the working-from-home world, and I’m not going to lie, it took a bit of time to adjust to this new way of life. Do... Read more »
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Kids' birthday parties are going to destroy me

On Sunday afternoon, EK and I attended the second kid birthday party of 2015. And we have another one  scheduled for this weekend. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy socializing with parents-now-friends and  EK always has a blast, but the actual party usually ends in tears…mine and/or EK’s. After I returned home from the... Read more »

Floating heads, dogs in costume, longing gazes: I'll never beat this year's holiday card

Well, it’s official: I am going to freak out when our roommates move out. If you don’t already know, some friends moved in with us this summer and are still shacked up in this chaotic house. With their impending condo closing scheduled for basically tomorrow, I know it’s only a matter of time before they... Read more »

5 kids books that make great gifts

Number 1 on my list is<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Someday-Bird-Will-Poop-You/dp/0692215824/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419353575&sr=8-1&keywords=someday+a+bird+will+poop+on+you">"Someday a Bird Will Poop on You"</a> ($16.95). Kids obviously love this book because you say “poop” a bazillion times. Crude? Yes. Effective? Yes. Why? Because someday a bird will poop on you. Or you won’t get what you want from Santa. Or you’ll lose a job, get in a fender bender, be served Pepsi instead of Coke. Cats and dogs living together and we all have to cope. So help the kiddos hone this skill now and give them a pass on the “potty talk”. Even better, give it to a recent college grad because Lord knows they are going to feel crapped on.
Our house overfloweth with books. Yet we keep adding to our library because, well, books are awesome. Especially books that make both adults and kids laugh. If you buy one or all of these kids books, I promise you will be known throughout the land as the BEST GIFT GIVER IN THE HISTORY OF GIFT... Read more »
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The ultimate gift list for any 80s movie lover

The ultimate gift list for any 80s movie lover
Tick tock friends. Christmas is almost upon us. If you are like me, you want to pick up a gift that is meaningful; not simply a little diddy that qualifies as “hey, this crap is for you”. What defines meaningful? For some it might be a framed family photo or gorgeous blob piece of artwork... Read more »

If my kid wakes me up at 4 AM, I'm either going AWOL or back to bed

When I was pregnant 20,000 years ago, my cousin gave me a book titled, “The Baby is Disappointing“. Interested? Watch the below narrated video (start at 1:00) unless you don’t have a sense of humor. If that’s the case, it’s your funeral, man. The thing is, this little book’s points ring true years after my... Read more »

The CPS kindergarten application process makes me want to put my head through a wall

The CPS kindergarten application process makes me want to put my head through a wall
If you don’t know how the Chicago Public School (CPS) kindergarten system works, below is a little primer. 1.”Friendly” parents ask you for the name of your local school and either wince out of jealousy or compassion, or shrug their shoulders and say they never heard of it. They then inform you that  your life... Read more »
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You have power over me, David Bowie's pants in Labyrinth [PHOTOS!]

You have power over me, David Bowie's pants in Labyrinth [PHOTOS!]
I love David Bowie. “China Girl” David Bowie, Jareth from “Labyrinth David Bowie and even Flight of the Conchords’ “Bowie in Space” ditty. Iman’s husband is pretty effing dreamy. Luckily for us Midwesterners, David Bowie Is is at the Museum of Contemporary Art Chicago (MCA) until January 2015, so we can visit any old day... Read more »
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    Annie Swingen

    Chicago-based hyperbole enthusiast. Mom to a kid and sometimes my mom. Overboard (1987) obsessed weirdo. I like the funnies in life.

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