I have a bad habit of trying to rescue people. I didn’t realize this until last year when I spent Lent journaling from the bottom of my heart. A lot of the pain I’ve gone through with people, relationships, family and even myself stems from my unwarranted need to help people and or fix them. They say your passion usually reflects your neglected side. I guess I love putting myself in awkward positions just for the sake of helping people because no one really showed up to help me.
I have a bad habit of planting myself in situations that will afford me the opportunity to be of some assistance. I didn’t realize that this was my way to seek validation from others and prove that I’m valuable and an asset to have around. My parents rarely told me I was smart, witty, priceless or resourceful. I knew I was special but I was rarely praised for my gifts.
I felt like everything I did was normal or barely average. My parents thought this would teach me humility but instead I learned how to live being insecure and over compensating whenever and wherever I could.
I had this bad habit of always wanting to be noticed. I wanted to be the one that everyone talked about even if it was good or bad. I wanted to be popular and cherished. I wanted everyone to love me because I had no idea how to love myself. I realized at the age of 33 that I can be the star of my day to day activities.
If I wanted to be seen all I had to do was look in the mirror. If I wanted people to know my name I could just write it over and over again. No one told me that I had to truly see my own value for others to even truly notice me. I kept putting who I was and who I wanted to be in the hands of strangers that didn’t care what happened to me.
I wish I could tell little girls across the country that you’re more than some man’s future wife. You don’t need to do any and everything to make sure you stand out in a crowd to catch “his” eye. What happens if he dumps you? You’ll think you’re worthless because you gave all of your power away. I wish I could tell all of the little girls that they are pretty because mom and dad came together to make a miracle and that miracle is you.
So no matter what anyone says you are the definition of beautiful. I wish I could tell all the little girls that they don’t have to be mothers. You’re a girl that will grow up to be a woman and none of that has anything to do with being a mother.
You don’t have to focus on growing up to take care of others when you haven’t figured out how to take care of yourself first. You need to learn how to be happy with you before you walk out there and face the great big world hungry for acceptance that you will never get. But oh, is it possible to be loved, cherished, encouraged, and happy by being the source of your own acceptance? Yes! Take your power back from society, that man you’re waiting on to save you, that flawless face you think everyone will rave about, that perfect body that looks like you paid top dollar to achieve.
Take your power back and invest that emotional currency and capital into yourself so your bank will never be empty! I used to have a real bad habit of doing things to get people to like me but then I answered my own ad and calling. I got the job done right and I do it daily!
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