On Mother's Day: A newbie's wish and a veteran's wisdom

Megan Drozd and Leslie Kahn are two “mommy bloggers” with ChicagoNow. Though they come from different generations, they share an intense love for their children, humor, and friendship. This is one of two collaborative posts on the theme of motherhood. Please visit the second post through the link provided at the conclusion of this piece.

A Newbie’s Wish:
As a new mom I’m constantly caught between the worlds of “listening to my intuition” and second-guessing myself. Actually, for some time I wasn’t even sure I had intuition; I figured I was just kind of a good guesser. I’m learning to rely on what I know about the tiny little people under my charge. I’m learning about my values and what that means to me as a mother. It’s all a work in progress, and I at least hope (fingers crossed REALLY hard) that I’m headed in the right direction. I know that I’m still such a new mom, and I have a good deal to learn. I imagine myself, many years down the road, gray hair perfectly coiffed, free of baby snot, and well rested. I’ll be a sage of sorts, a veritable momma Yoda. I hope to be able to say that in my years mothering:

1.I accepted my children for who they were.

Are they always going to live up to their potential? Probably not. Will they fail? Yes. Will they disappoint me? Most likely. But, do I want to be able to look back and know that I always saw them for themselves, and loved those tiny people for who they were. Hells yeah.

2.I spent more time looking at them than I did looking at my phone.

I’m human, and for some reason this is really hard. I remember a world before cell phones (I do, I swear), but I still find myself in close proximity to my phone at every point of the day. I know being home all day with my boys leaves me a bit more isolated than during my working years and that my phone is an easy fix to this. Still, I want to be present, without my phone robbing them of my attention. I’d rather see their smiling, or crying faces, than someone’s silly status update.

3.I gave zero cares about how my house looked. I cared more about them.

Maybe not so surprisingly, this is one that I feel like I’m doing well with now. There are piles of (clean) laundry to be put away, dishes in the sink, and very likely crumbs on the floor. I find myself, more often than not, unconcerned with it. Am I just lazy? Yes, sometimes. But, mostly, I think I’ve learned that there will always be a mess to clean, and that my babies won’t be three and one forever.

4.I may not have always agreed with them, but I always respected them.

They will challenge me. Really, just because I challenged my own parents. A lot. They will make decisions I KNOW are wrong. I can voice my concern all I want, but I can’t always change their mind. Sometimes, I might even have to admit that I was wrong (just sometimes). I want to be able to always respect them and their decisions. I may never understand everything I need to about them, but I will respect them as people, living independently of me.

5.I believed that they had the power to change the world.

Yes, the sun rises and sets in my world by these boys. Yes, I’m just a little obsessed with them. And yes, I want to say that I always believed in them. Not just the kind of belief that finds you remarking, “I knew you could do it” after a well-deserved soccer win, but the kind of belief that helps them become men. I want to say that I always believed they had the power to change the world for the better. You know, after they do just that.

6.I wanted to be a better person for them.

Parenting hasn’t always been easy. I’ve been downright shitty at it at times. I want to be able to say that I’ve grown from my experiences and learned to do better. I want to say that I did not make the same mistake more than once, and that all of my mistakes somehow proved to make me a better mother.

This is what I hope to be able to say one day. My boys are still so young, and we all have so much to learn. I don’t know where our roads will take us one day, but I know I’m downright privileged to be traveling anywhere with my two sons. I know I’ll never be able to say that I was a perfect mother, but I want to be able to say I tried my damnedest.

Ready to hear a veteran mother’s wisdom? Please follow the link to friend, and fellow ChicagoNow blogger, Leslie Kahn’s veteran wisdom and enjoy her post. Be sure to check out her Facebook page as well at Soapbox Momma.

And, as always, I invite you to head over and participate in my facebook page and become a Mable Mommy! Click right here and join: Stable Mable.

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