Do you have a “friend” that you thought when you met him or her that you would be life long friends but it didn’t exactly turn out that way? Yeah. I do and I ran into her yesterday and got the usual response from her; we chatted for about 5 minutes…I probably haven’t seen her for a year or two…and then she told me she had to run. I really shouldn’t have expected anything different, but you never know… and it made me feel sad for the rest of the day. I’m feeling kinda raw at the moment, since yet another friend whom I’ve know for almost 30 years seems no longer interested in having a relationship. And I don’t know why and yes, I have asked her to tell me what is going on, but am getting no response. But, I digress.
I will refer to this “friend” as Lacey, although that is not her real name. We met in a school setting, seemed to get along really well and were almost inseparable during the course of the course. It was an intense learning environment and we saw each other many hours a week, every week, for 12 months. I really thought we had a very special relationship; she was smart, funny, fun and very conscientious. These are traits I consider myself to have, as well.
We saw each other fairly regularly for about 6 months after the course ended, and then, not so much. I reached out to her on a regular basis, but she always seemed to be too busy to get together. It started to feel like she had “used me” to help her get through the course work and now that she didn’t need me anymore, she had no use for me. I could be wrong, here, of course, but I’m not about to ask her that. But, hell, I’m Jewish and my people are a pretty paranoid bunch…I hope my Jewish readers have a sense of humor and won’t send me hate emails/comments about that crack!
It is now 20 years later. We never, ever reconnected again…never went for coffee, never had lunch or even chatted on the phone. I worked in the same town once a week as she did and I would run into her every so often there. It was always the same. She was always friendly and seemed happy to see me, but she never suggested that we get together and she ALWAYS HAD TO RUN after a 5 minute conversation.
Our encounter a couple of days ago was no different than the dozens of previous encounters. I showed her a picture of my son who is almost 15 and has grown a lot since we last saw each other. She has changed career paths and I would have liked to talk to her about that, but then came the familiar phrase “I HAVE TO RUN.” I decided there was absolutely no point in asking if she wanted to get together or to connect on Facebook. That would have been like “beating a dead horse.”
I would love to hear from others who had similar relationships? How did you handle your encounters?
I’ve written a series of posts about medical marijuana. If you want to read more you can click on the “Medical Marijuana” tag at the top of my page.
If you want to get more involved in helping Illinois move forward…and boy, do we need help, here…there are resources and links to groups on the Americans for Safe Acess-Illinois page that are doing just that. Americans for Safe Access is a national program, so if you are not an Illinoisian, check out a chapter in your state.
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Filed under: Life's Lessons