Editor’s note: Happy Valentine’s Day! A few Six Brown Chicks members and official SBC correspondents have come together to share their stories of bad love–and how they got over it. Here’s part one of our Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places Series. Enjoy!
Put on your fuzzy socks and grab some tea because this is about to get real!
I haven’t dated in literal years and the last fling I had sent me to the clinic so let’s just say ya girl is more than guarded these days. But a funny not so funny story comes to mind when I think of getting back out there in the jungle that is the Dating Pool…
WHERE I LOOKED: Facebook
So, one day I’m scrolling on Facebook minding my own (and everyone else’s) online business when a distinguished gentleman from my past sends me a DM.
Now as transparent as I am, he knows what I’m about and how I get down (Vegan, Celibate, Spiritual Goddess life) so I was flattered when he complimented my growth and offered to take me out next time I’m in town.
I happened to be in town within the month so I hit him up. I invited him to a media event, he offered to me for an afternoon bite. Well. Two hours after we parted, for me to unwind and him to run errands, he offered via text that I come over to ‘watch a movie or something.’ He went further to text that I shouldn’t be a prude, how we’re both grown, we can go with the flow, he knows I want him as much as he wants me and whatever happens, happens, no strings just two people doing what we do.
(Me: blank stare at the phone)
Sir. First of all, No. Secondly, how do you go from an afternoon bite to asking for my panties with the guise of a movie date on your couch?!?!
Did I tell you he’s over 60? Did I mention he flirts like he’s hit his puberty stride full of energy and blue pill stamina?
His maturity is how I gave him the benefit of the doubt but his hormones walked me right out of his life. He’s been flirting for years and I know he feels like that Kanye line, ‘I feel like there’s still b*tches that owe me sex…’ but sir you won’t cash in with one lunch and a few flowers!
He told me the hashtags in my bio need to go as they are a turn off to men who might find me otherwise attractive. (the nerve of this Negro!)
#TheIntimacyOfCelibacy is my personal declaration to be in love with me first, honoring my temple above the whims of affection that often lead to heartbreak if not aligned with a partner.
I’ve met so many women who don’t know how to please themselves, who don’t know how to articulate their needs with a partner but willingly ‘bussit open’ on cue just because it tingles or he asks with trinkets, basic attention and cute text.
This intimacy requires I demand more from Self, say my needs in words and deed and show up in the way I want to be addressed. It takes discipline, consistency and deep intention to hold a standard higher than casual encounters.
WHAT I LEARNED
My advice to anyone looking for love, make sure you’ve found it within You first. Be sure You are your biggest fan and all your wounds are addressed honestly within yourself before you present yourself to another.
Get your needs met! Do you in all facets of your life. Just be clear and intentional about all you aspire. Nothing is too big for what you deserve so never settle. Love yourself bigger and better than anything, anyone can offer and you’ll see why intimacy starts with You first and foremost.
I’m A Comeaux and I am my best lover, yet…