By Nakita Nicci
Ladies, have you found yourself rarely holding out for the person you deserve? Instead, you enter some B.S. fabrication of a relationship based on potential, or you are just bored/lonely or worse – heartbroken over the last fu*k-boy? Yeah, me too – we have all been there a time or two but enough of the basic mess ladies!
Let’s stop saying we are tired of dealing with BS from that man, then as soon as he calls we forget; our alter ego runs and grab the first thong in sight.
So, who’s really to blame here? We can’t blame the f*ck-boy for being a f*ck-boy because WE SAW those F.B antics long before the tears!
In our minds, we thought we could handle it, or we didn’t believe him when he said that he just wanted to be “friends” because he did boyfriend type sh*t.
Or worse, we thought could change him.
Honestly, in some cases – they’re not a f*ck-boys at all, maybe they’re JUST NOT THAT INTO US.
How about taking a fall back from dating or that desperate need for companionship altogether and date Y.O.U for a while?
Ask yourself; “What part did I play in allowing this to happen?” Stop allowing yourself to be mindf*cked and raise your standards! Just because he calls you beautiful every morning in your inbox, that doesn’t mean he want to ride off into the sunset with you. It’s called law of averages boo! Trust me, he sent 5 of you the same exact message. Look at the total situation, cry about it then let it go! Never allow a person to have that much control over you or your emotions that you fall off your square.
Give your heart and vagina a break by going on a dating fast. It’s simple and here’s how…
The Dating Cleanse
Step 1: Social media – The recipe for disaster if not used properly: No announcement is needed if you are broken up because the truth is NOBODY CARES! Instead, go through your pictures and remove all those thirst trapping ass pictures and delete them. No real man will wife a woman who has her goodies plastered for the world to see.
Step 2: Serial deletion – Delete his number, snap chat, Facebook, etc. Delete it all and hold firm to that.
Step 3: Start a journal –Instead of venting to the world about your personal business, just let it out in print. Who knows, you may turn those tears into dollars one day by writing a best seller.
Step 4: Date yourself –One day per week, treat yourself to something you like. Take yourself to dinner, buy a new underwear set, treat your niece to a spa date, etc. The focus is showing yourself appreciation so you are not seeking it from others (men).
Step 5: Cleanse – Use this time to focus on you. Get you in order. You cannot make the demand of wanting this perfect idea of a man when you are not together.
Step 6: Date yourself for 90 days. During this time learn how to ask the right probing questions to see if he wants to date or just sleep with you, find out why you feel you need companionship so badly, stop lying to yourself, get those men out of your phone that mean you no good, learn to say no and most important, be able to recognize bullsh*t at the gate and be prepared to allow your integrity to take over and call it out verses waiting to see how a situation plays out.
Think about all those incidents that revealed you two were incompatible but you ignored because you “loved” him.
I can go on and on about this but the truth of the matter is stop lying to yourself, wasting your time or chasing pavements. Stop falling for the incompatible personalities (even if he’s a great guy) and set more realistic expectations on your relationships-after you focus on yourself.
Nakita Nicci is published in Erika Gilchrist’s Woman Thriving Fearlessly, is a beauty and lifestyle expert and Media Contributor for RollingOut.