By Nakita Nicci
So, when his sidechick is married, what do you do when you meet the spouse?
I believe there is some unwritten rule that most sidechicks have a man. Of course you have some low self-esteem women who are actually faithful to someone else’s man but for the most part, I would think that they’d have a man of their own. In my case, his sidechick had a husband…
It’s true when you are in love, you see what you want to see. Love has a funny way of clouding our better judgment sometimes. In this case, the guy cheated on me with a married woman. This married woman was so gone over him that she was the one who told me about the affair. She even went as far as to provide physical proof.
Here’s my confession, so grab your tea and get ready for this!
After my marriage, I was so ready to date again. After being married for 12 years, I was so used to “being in a relationship” that I found myself in this in messy situationship.
I should have been utilizing my time to find myself. ‘
Although he was completely different from everyone I’ve ever dated, I decided to give this charmer a chance and try something new. In the beginning everything was perfect and honestly, besides the fact he was a serial cheater – he wasn’t a bad guy. He matched my checklist:
- Beautiful older children (no baby-momma drama)
- Amazing family – comes from a great foundation
- Decent career
Things were going great, although I was a tad bit uncomfortable with all of the FB exposure we were displaying (pictures, commenting on every post, cat fighting with every dude that compliments me on my post, etc), it was okay because I am committed to giving this relationship a honest shot.
And then his sidechicks popped up.
I received inbox messages from a person who went as far as to create a fake Facebook persona just to tell me she was sleeping with him. She mentioned in the message that I was too good for him and that he wouldn’t know who sent this to me because he sleeps with so many women.
I received another message from one of his exes telling me she’s happy that it’s me now and not her – which held no merit as I also saw a letter she sent him in the mail saying she’s holding out hope for a future with him.
I also received a text message on my cellphone warning me about him and, she also sent me a picture of his penis. (Just in case I needed receipts).
Using my expert level IT skills I was able to identify exactly who one of the women were who sent the anonymous message and I did some research before contacting her. Turns out, she has 3 Facebook pages, works with my aunt at the post office and SHE’S MARRIED!
The Confrontation With Him
NO EFFING WAY! She is married!! I decided to keep this newfound information under wraps and I did what any woman should do: I asked him about it.
He lied, he denied, and then he lied some more. Then I lied and told him I had already spoken with her, thus, he decided to give me some information. He even gave me pictures of her giving oral on him while wearing her wedding ring. *save and store*
He told me that he broke it off with her because he loves me so much and wanted a future with me and this is why she is acting out and contacting me.
The Confrontation With Her
One day, he and I were at church with his mother. His phone kept vibrating; it was his sidechick and he complained that she wouldn’t stop calling him.
Did I believe him? Hell no but I used this opportunity to be petty and contact her. Now I would be the first to admit, never contact the chick. I’ve always preached, my issue is with him not her but you know what–eff it. I need to crack this wide open and bounce.
I politely sent her a message on Facebook, that’s when I noticed she’s following my public post…
“Hi Sweetie, I mean no disrespect and I am providing the benefit of the doubt that perhaps you do not know about me and if this is the case, please accept my full apologies. I am reaching out to you in regards to _____, it is my impression that he has been asking you to stop contacting him (I saw a few text messages of him telling you this), yet you fail to do so after numerous requests. At this point I am asking you to stop contacting him and allow us a chance to have a relationship. Thanks in advance.”
“First of all, he’s still calling me and he hit this last night! Trust me you don’t want it with me bish, I know where you live. He tells me everything about you. He’s a hoe, I tried to warn you about him but you didn’t listen – your dumb ass deserve everything you get. It’s not just me. Check his phone and you’ll be hurt you just his main bish. I’m not leaving him alone – we are 6 years in, you are new. I told you that you were too good for him but you wouldn’t listen. I was at his house the other day – I saw you leave, you drive a Benz.”
She also sent a few screenshots of the two of them talking about meeting up at hotels and bars.
I know this Bish didn’t just go there… although I am mentally done with this guy. My mission is to find her husband and send him everything!
The cat fight went on for a few days then a realized, why am I fighting, below my level, tax bracket and intellect? This is childish and beneath me. Did I really allow myself to fall so deep that my mind is stuck in high school?
Needless to say I ended my relationship with the guy and he has worked overtime to win me back. I do feel he has changed however, that experience taught me to never play the fool and get caught in that type of messiness every again. At this point in my life I can only offer him friendship once the dust has settled (meaning once he is ready to accept that). That entire situation was childish and below my worth.
I MET HER HUSBAND…
In dude’s unsuccessful efforts to win me back, he spilled the beans on valuable information such as where they lived, he revealed how he’s been to their home, met her spouse, etc. He even gave me a name. It was only a matter of time. Turns out it was easier than that…
On that day, I was in Walgreens having a candid conversation with a tall, brown skinned, stocky, nerdy gentleman in the pharmacy. He was a genuinely nice guy. He spoke about his wife having a cold and he was grabbing Theraflu and the game.
He looked familiar but I couldn’t place his face with a name. I told him that he looked familiar and we spoke about our high schools, but it wasn’t from there. I asked his name and when he told me it hit me like a ton of bricks!
At that moment I wanted to tell him everything and show him pictures but I looked this man in the face, and realized that he was a really good dude. I would not be the one to ruin this man’s life by telling him his wife was a whore. Furthermore, if he killed her over what I told him, her blood is technically on my hands. If he kills me ex, the family I love so much would have lost the man they love.
The situation is tragic with the potential of being worse just by me sharing a few scandalous screenshots.
So instead, I simply smiled and told him, Mr. W, your wife is a very lucky woman and I hope she realizes that. Have a great day! He smiled and said I made his day…
Moral of the story:
My issue was with my ex not his sidechick, I should have never contacted her in the first place. However I believe she was wrong and a whore, it wasn’t my marriage to ruin. I can only worry about my situation and I handled that.
A bit of advice to the fellas with sidechicks, stop telling them everything – they will expose you eventually. Lady Cheaters: Stop having these men in your house and smiling in your husband’s faces – you’re only making it worse on yourself.
So, what would you have done if you were in my shoes?
Nakita Nicci is the host and creator of LANIQUE Beauty Bar. LANIQUE Beauty Bar, a division of LANIQUE Cosmetics is a web series showcasing Chicago’s Industry Leaders in Beauty, Health, and Fashion and let’s not forget Cocktails! www.laniquebeautybar.com
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