Are We Raising Our Girls to KILL Over Boys?

Are We Raising Our Girls to KILL Over Boys?
Amy Joyner Francis, Endia Martin, De'Kayla Dansberry, were all murdered by classmates in altercations, authorities say, involve boys.

Beehives and Bathroom Brawls

By Sylvia Snowden

When Prince died, I was devastated (he seemed almost immortal, you know?), and one of the things I did to help overcome my sorrow was to immerse myself in all things Prince.

I listened to all of my favorite Prince songs, I watched all of my favorite Prince videos and of course, I read every single Prince article that popped up in my timeline.  One of the articles I came across featured some Prince quotes. And of all of the quotes I read, there was this one that really stuck out to me.

Prince said, “When I look at the violence (among youth), I wonder where the parents are, but also where is God in their lives? A kid is an open computer ready for programming…”

Now, whether you believe in the God part or not, it’s hard not to look at the slaying of 14-year-old Endia Martin, 15-year-old De’Kayla Dansberry,   the 30 girls who were arrested in a fight over a boy at Pittsburgh University Prep, the recent death of 16-year-old Amy Joyner Francis–a girl beaten to death by her female classmates over a boy–or the countless other viral videos of our young ladies savagely fighting one another over a boy and wonder where the parents are in these young girl’s lives.

And as quiet as it’s kept, sometimes, I don’t even care about parents. When I see young ladies cursing and fighting each other on the bus or outside of their schools, I often wonder if they’ve ever been exposed to any real, responsible, civilized and mature women at all.  

Then I go on Instagram and realize all of the “mature women” are still leaving lemons & bees under Rachel Roy’s page; I go to the salon and hear the “civilized ladies” recalling all of the females they’ve had to put in check over the bum dudes men they have in their lives.

I read the paper and discover there are mothers who give their daughters weapons and an unspoken license to kill other young women. When I think about those things, I realize that Prince (may God rest his soul) was absolutely right, we have programmed our girls to behave this way.

Heck, even though we’re horrified by the levels of their brutality, we should at least admit that we understand their logic; you see another woman coming for what’s yours, you take her out.

And that’s unfortunate, don’t you think?  Our young girls deserve so much more.  I mean, they at least deserve to be taught the game.  They’re worth having some mature woman take enough interest in them to say something like:

“Listen, little girl, you’re becoming a young woman and that means that for the rest of your life, there will be young men who are interested in you.  Now, just about all of these young men will claim they care about you deeply, 98 percent of them, however, will be lying.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to figure out which of these young men are in the two percent and do actually care about you.  That will be harder than you think because many of these guys will be quite adept at convincing you that you mean something to them.  Here’s a tip for you though; men who will try to get as much out of you by doing as little as possible, those are the ones who usually don’t care.  The ones who consistently go above and beyond to make you feel like you’re a precious jewel, those are the ones to take seriously.  Oh, and just so you know, you’re not playing this game all by yourself, every other woman you know is playing, too.  In fact, there might come a time when you and another woman will have your eyes on the same man.  As frustrating as it can be to have a female “competitor,” never forget, your job isn’t to focus on the competition; your job is to win the game.  And, just one more thing, most men under the age of 25 are about as capable of committing to a woman as a toddler is capable of committing to a career path, so I wouldn’t take any of them too seriously. Good luck, Godspeed and if you have any questions, ask me (not your little girlfriends, they’re as confused as you; trust me.)”

It’s a really simple conversation that takes less than two minutes to have, but it’s obvious that for whatever reason, we aren’t having it with our girls.  I don’t know, maybe, that’s because nobody’s ever had it with us.  I do know this though, this cannot continue.

Our young ladies need to be taught about love and managing emotions, just like they need to be taught about anything else.  We have to start going there with them and we have to start today; this mayhem must cease.


Sylvia D. Snowden is a fabulous Chicago-based journalist, read more about her on Follow Sylvia on Twitter @TrulySylvia.

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