By Kenyea Beach
Before 2008, I felt like I had a pretty good grip on what made my happy; my family and friends, networking, sports, shopping, and trips to a variety of places flooded my life.
I was a newly single, smart, strong younger man who had whatever I wanted.
I was raised by a single mother who taught me to figure out what—and whom—I wanted in life.
Mom taught me how women use men, possible motives and how not to give up my power. Mostly, by not getting a woman pregnant or succumbing to clever entrapping tricks designed to make you feel a certain way when dealing in a relationship or some form of it.
I did not honor relationships with women but I did honor friendships with women, maybe because I could pick up and leave when I wanted to or maybe because commitment was not realistic in my mind.
Nonetheless, I was a great friend.
No matter what, I was immature and didn’t take responsibility for the role I played in certain situations.
After 2008, all hell broke loose.
I lost my job, my real estate investments and parts of myself.
Because of my consistent success over the years, this was HELL in my world. I prided myself on winning and always being able to adjust to whatever life brought my way. But those situations felt different.
I believe I lost my way because of my unwillingness to commit to life, to commit to someone, or to commit to God and what He had planned for me in my life.
I could only commit to myself.
Yes, I loved to commit to my friends, to my plans of grandeur, to playing and networking with professional athletes, to having sex and trysts with beautiful and smart women, to partying, to living in my own definition of what a man should be in this world.
The reality is that I had no girl, no wife, no kid, and now, no job and money to fund the things I thought were important to me.
I did not share my thoughts, my goals or fears because they were even new to me. I wanted things, I asked for things but I was not ready for any of the things I asked for. But, I did not feel sorry for myself. I just did not care. I was like f*ck it, in my head, and my actions backed up my mindset.
Until—my three friends got killed. Until, I became lonely, until I felt like my life was a failure and I would never have a wife, kids, or a family of my own.
I was just living to fill my own insatiable desires even though I was self-less in terms of what I did for others. But, in my mind, what about me? Well, this is the initial thought that God put in my head. This was all about spirit and perspective!
Then, I began thinking that I needed God! I needed to give more of myself. I needed to continue helping others and that would allow me to learn how to help myself.
My perspective had changed.
For the first time, God spoke directly to me. He told me to change my approach. He told me to open my heart to love again, to forgive myself, to work harder and to invest in people and things that will bring light back to me.
So, I did what I was told to do I learned more about God, spirtualality, focus, following through and the “little things” life has in store for all of us.
Little things like being able to feel the warmth from the sun as it rises in the morning. Seeing people smile when they greet you. Helping someone else just because you can. Yes, I did appreciated it before, but now it was different. I really enjoyed it.
I was my new sport, my new basketball, my new naked woman in my bed telling me to come here, whatever appreciation, fun and success is in your mind is what it was for me.
It was different, but it was my new normal, it was my new happiness.
This new relationship with God and myself was so beautiful and powerful that it allowed me to finally feel like I was ready to move forward in my life, in my walk, to open myself to moving forward and not to feel guilty about it.
No longer was my life just about me and all the things I wanted in it but now it was about what God wants for me, and what I can do for others. In the midst of that, I found my happiness and this “Rotation of Love” sets a pulse of how my life is now.
Shortly thereafter, I found my wife, my family, a host of new successful positions and investments and I am better man, athlete, father, director, husband, investor, role model “Pillar of many communities” and person than I could ever be.
Live your life to the fullest and appreciate everything in it!
Kenyea Beach is on Facebook.
Event: We are thrilled that Kenyea will be a part of our 5th Annual relationship panel, He Says/She Says, at The Black Women’s Expo on Saturday, April 9, at 1 p.m. See you there!
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