Tinita talks: "I Had Lost Faith in Myself"

Tinita talks: "I Had Lost Faith in Myself"
Tinita Tennant. Photo by Griffin Family Photography.

From Hopeless to Hope-FULL

By Tinita Tennant

When enough is enough, you stop and look yourself in the mirror and ask the tough question, “How did I get here?”

As an imaginative little girl, I was full of life, passion, and dreams.  I discovered at a young age, a passion for writing short stories, poems and eventually stumbled upon the art form of “spoken word.” At 16-years-old, I took the stage to compete in my first “Slam,” though I didn’t win, the response I got was priceless, and I was hooked.

I’m a writer, and a poet, I proclaimed.

Before even knowing that performing my poetry was an option, I just knew that writing, composing books of poetry, and speaking (because I loved to talk, the notes my teachers would send home were proof that I had the “gift of gab”), would be my future. Feeling confident, I was proud to finally find something I was good at, something I could call my own and I was so hopeful in my ability to achieve my dream.

No one could tell me anything…or, maybe someone should have.

I’m 30-years-old and just in the last two years I began to pursue my dreams.

MY dreams, the dreams that I had as a little girl, the dreams that I felt so confident in, doing what I was really passionate about, I’m just now pursuing that.

See, I chased jobs, titles, and salaries, because I was told writing was not a career.

Even after obtaining a journalism degree, I was pushed in the direction of climbing the ladder; the Corporate America ladder where people are stepping on one another’s heads, pulling people off, just to get to the top.

I did this for years, and year after year I never felt happy, I was never fulfilled in any position but because I believed the lies told to me, that this is what I had to do, I kept pushing myself right into misery.

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I had lost faith in myself.

I lost hope and belief in my gifts and my dreams.

The little girl Tinita, needed to hear her parents say they believed in her, someone to tell her she could be anything she wanted to be, that the best way to happiness is by going after your dreams.

No one needed to understand it, they didn’t have to have the answers, it didn’t have to be for them, for it to be for me and for them to encourage and support me in pursuing my dreams.

As a little girl, I needed to hear that I was somebody, that I deserved true happiness, and to do whatever it is that makes me happy.

Instead my dreams were torn apart, my confidence was shot, and I became hopeless.

Two years ago there was a shift. I’d had enough and I knew for my peace, I had to my rekindle my passion and dreams. My husband supported me in leaving Corporate America. It has been a huge leap of faith, it has not been easy, but we both believe it will be worth it.

Never would I say that we need someone else to validate who we are, but I can attest that having just one person believe in you, one person pour positive words in your spirit, one person who’s in your corner, really does go a long way.

I feel passion again. I have dreams again. I believe in myself again.

I had enough of being miserable, feeling empty, wanting more, and I had to answer the question of how I got here but also, “What am I going to do about it?”

The key was transforming my thinking and attitude about myself, about my destiny.

In order to re-ignite the faith I had in my gifts and goals, I had to reverse every thought of self-doubt and worthlessness. I had to convince myself that I can do this, and that I’m good enough.

Oh, it’s not easy. Everyday I am wrestling and battling with myself. After-all, I spent years believing lies, there is years of contaminated thoughts and beliefs built up, but the way I am getting through it and I’m staying on this journey is by facing those thoughts, every fear, and every doubt, one day at a time.

I’ve acknowledged my brokenness and I’ve committed myself to going after everything I ever believed and dreamed was for me. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, one positive thought about and to myself, is how I’m putting the pieces back together.

I’m not there yet, but I’m headed in the right direction. I’m still on this journey, and I have every bit of faith in myself, and the dreams that God gave me, that in time I will see it all unfold.

I am hope-full.

Tinita Tennant is a writer, wife and mom, taking on the daily challenge of walking in her true self, living her wildest dreams, and inspiring other women along the way. Connect with Tinita at tinitatennant.com, on twitter @Tinita_Talks and Facebook.

Photos: Griffin Family Photos.

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