By Shemeka Michelle
He was married and so was I. For this reason, we didn’t technically date.
However, we formed an illicit relationship driven by emotional deficits we both were experiencing in our marriages. I’m not at all stupid and I was well aware of the feelings he had for me and his true intentions. I knew that he would give anything to have me leave my husband to start a new life with him. Although I knew I didn’t share those same desires, I never said a word against it.
In fact, I was smart enough to know that phrases like “if I wasn’t married” would only perpetuate the want he had for me. I’m a master at sending mixed signals.
I needed him to need me.
I was miserable and the saying “hurt people, hurt people” is in fact true.
While I liked having him as a friend, I knew we would never build a life together.
However, I loved the attention he gave me. He would constantly tell me how beautiful I was, how he would never mistreat me and how life would be if I was with him. Those were all things I longed to hear but they weren’t coming from the man I longed to hear them from. My husband didn’t feel that way about me and if he did, he had a terrible way of showing it. For that reason, I was going to make him pay!
My husband hated him! He didn’t like our friendship and was well aware of the feelings that the other man had for me. We both watched him go out of his way time after time to be in my presence.
He neglected his own wife and children to prove to me that he was the better man. I guess I wasn’t really his friend. A real friend wouldn’t’ have watched his life crumble knowing my true intentions. I wasn’t being a good wife either. A good wife would’ve seen the agony this man’s presence caused and would have completely ended the friendship. But, I was fed up! I was tired of getting the feeling from my husband that I was not his first choice. I secretly enjoyed the mental torture he had at the thought of another man taking his place even if it was all make believe.
Eventually I had to end the cycle of the vicious mind games we were all playing with one another. I completely walked away from him and ended all communication. I’m not a hero though. I had waited too late and the damage was done. He lost his family and everything he owned. Part of me felt bad when he screamed at me that I had led him on. I guess I deserved every name he called me when he realized he would never have me.
The other part of me was absolutely cold because I felt like he should’ve known better.
About Shemeka Michelle: I was that chick. Gave it all up, all of it. I put all my eggs in one basket. Didn’t have a Plan B ‘cause I believed in Plan A. Then one day, all of it came to an end. All I could do was take it. I’m a survivor with three kids and I HAD to make it! So instead of dying from pain and hiding in shame, I’ve decided to get NAKED. www.nakedgirlzblog.com
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