By Khalid Scott
Prior to my divorce, I heard folks say that “divorce is death for the living,” and never was a statement so true.
After the divorce, EVERY area in my life was DAMAGED (spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically and mentally). I lost long-term friendships who sided with my ex-wife based on lies and then I understood that when you’re a husband, you feel the ramifications of divorce more because you failed your family unit, your community and worst of all, yourself!
LOSING IT ALL
When my ex asked me for divorce it was surreal! I mean in my head I didn’t do anything wrong; I was faithful, a provider, a protector, never physically harmed her, supported her dreams, was an over-participatory father to our daughter, my family and friends adored her, etc…so then, Why?
Her only answer was that I made her feel suffocated.
Over the period of my separation, divorce and post-divorce I forgot my “worth!” I became a “slave to sadness,” “a broke down brother” and a “depressed demon!” I gained 80 pounds; I stopped going out, I was bitter and I just existed in the world.
At last, on June 6, 2012, after a long and grueling 8 months of litigation, we were no longer man and wife.
RECLAIMING MY LIFE
Thereafter came the hard part: “Rebuilding the dream!”
On January 1, 2015, I woke up, sat in my living room with my list of 2015 goals and as I sat there, I looked up at the ceiling and told God that I plan to have the best year of my life… And I did!
I declared 2015 as “My Year of Achievement!”
I wrote down some achievable goals and they were as follows:
- Self-care; my goal was to lose 80 pounds in 6 months.
- Assist my daughter on her academic excellence.
- Pass my LCSW examination.
- Obtain a new job.
- Rid myself of toxicity (people and situations).
- Get an Award for doing something well.
Well let me put this out in the atmosphere…there is nothing like a “made up mind” because once you make up your mind to do something then God will help you achieve it.
I knew that God had a better life for me.
As Iyanla Vanzant says “I had to put the work in and I did my work!”
So now a year later, I am 80 pounds lighter (going down from 300 pounds to 220), my daughter ranks in the top 5 of her class (with straight A’s,) I passed my LCSW, I work now for the federal government (VA hospital), the folks who appeared to take joy in breaking my spirit are no longer a part of my life and I won two awards (2015 Defender Men of Excellence and IAAP’s Professional Staff Excellence Award.)
Now 2016 will be declared “My Year of Maintenance.”
So the lesson in my message today is, if you are going through a storm, sit down, write your goals and resolutions, and then do the following:
1. Pray long, hard and specific for discipline.
2. Ask God for His support.
3. Believe in yourself.
I SURVIVED—and so can you!
Khalid Scott is on Facebook.
Editor’s Note: We’re thrilled to announce that Khalid Scott is a panelist for our 5th Annual relationship panel, “He Says/She Says,” taking place at the Black Womens Expo on Saturday, April 9th from 1:00 PM – 2:30 PM, Room N227B at McCormick Place. See you there!
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