By A Comeaux
You were about 40 when you got clean for the last time. During your 20’s and 30’s as an addict I was a child, bearing the burdens of your ill choices.
I helped you read. I encouraged you after you disappointed me year in and out. My love, friendship and loyalty is matched by NO ONE.
Now here we are. After every scheme, every divorce, every rehab facility, addiction support meeting, jail and road trip, you’ve left me out here alone. With glee you chant ‘she’s grown now’… well you were grown too when you needed the very humility that you’ve forgotten.
After I was violated by a man I trusted, you said ‘that ain’t my business she’s grown’… well, thanks daddy.
Now that you’re clean; now that you’re happy, you’ve erased us. My son, your grandchild who bears your name, never sees you. Your daughter is now fighting battles alone but you’d never know.
But you’re happy? You won’t hear me and looking in your eyes feels as unfamiliar as a stranger’s glance. I don’t know you anymore. And you were the strongest, most painful, wonderful influence in my life.
EVERYONE knows we were best friends! If I can tell my mother my feelings, I can certainly tell you mine now. I find you confused and cowardly.
You took me with you through your hell and left me at your glory. Thanks daddy.
My hope is one day, one of these people that you pose and smile with add some clarity to this chaos you don’t recognized that you’ve caused. That your three daughters, abandoned one way or another, beyond forgive you, but heal from bleeding wounds no one has been strong enough to admit… came from you.
Sure we love you; like the toxins we’ve clung to, because that’s love, right?
In your righteousness, ask yourself, how have you shared your compassion, power and newfound joy with those who’ve suffered with you? Now that you’re okay, how have you extended this patience that you’ve required from us all of our lives? Over meals and conferences, have you shared with us your new masterminded wisdom?
Dear daddy, your grown daughters have little girls’ broken hearts.
A Comeaux is the writer, speaker and actor who poetically paints pictures of life and love with a paradoxical perspective. Follow her on Twitter @KCOSpoke
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